Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for November 13, 2022

I usually hang onto the floor just in case they repeal the Law of Gravity. (A trick I learned from one of my cats.)

I’m glad I don’t get drunk anymore!

I don’t need alcohol to fall on the floor. I need paramedics to help me get back up.

I know it’s not funny: Stay on the floor, okay. But stay too long, and a puddle forms.

Some, but almost no or very dam little dignity.

As a much younger man, I over-imbibed twice; not to the point of having the blind staggers and falling, but pretty intoxicated. The hangovers, even though I forced water before falling asleep to help them, were atrocious. Since then, no thank you. Nowadays, I rarely consume alcohol, it doesn’t play well with the meds.

No Aunty, it’s called being stupid.

That’s how Auntie wound up with her kids.

Just what we need, more dignified drunks.

Hard to clean the blood of the edge of the doors that seem to appear in your short journey to the floor. At least you know when you’ve arrived. Mind the gap.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila… floor.

“having some dignity” is an interesting way of saying “cringe-inducing”…

That reminds me of the Navy Chief Petty officer’s Pledge.

I am a Chief Petty Officer in the United States Navy. I will Not Drink.

However, If I should drink, I will not get Drunk.

However, If I should get drunk, I will not Stagger.

However, if I should Stagger, I will not Fall.

However, If I should Fall, I will be sure to land on my Left Side so that no one will see my Chevrons and will not be able to tell that I am a Chief Petty Officer in the United States Navy.