Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for July 13, 2022

Lactose intolerance is still a thing. Mrs. Fogwhistle suffers from it when she forgets to take a Lactaid pill with her ice cream.

How on earth do they know that everybody was lactose intolerant 10,000 years ago?

Scientists recently have been doing some new studies with the mummy of Egypt’s famous boy king.

With the aid of highly advanced MRI scans they were able to ascertain he suffered from a major gastro-intestinal disorder. Apparently he was lactose intolerant. So it turns out, Mrs. Fogwhistle and the Egyptian kid got a toot in common.

Sorry.

Until next time.

So, we are drinking dinosaur pee?

I have corn intolerance. Probably because it’s all GMO.

In most places, there’s a good chance that you’re drinking water that has been passed by your neighbors or someone else upstream from you. I wouldn’t worry about the dinosaurs :D

so fresh water is now dinosaur urine?

Water had dinosaur pee in it? Ew, David.

Those who mutated are able to drink milk from other species. Evolution in action.

Gentle Ben really WAS gentle.read recent bio of The Howard Brothers(Ronnie&Clint)

As a public service to all you rabid outdoorsmen and earnest outsideswomen, we offer:

How to be safe in the woods with bears.

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear confrontations, the Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and be alert for bears while in the field. We advise that outdoorsmen wear small bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them, and to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter.

It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should learn to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear spoor, or droppings.

Black bear droppings are smaller and contain the remnants of berries and fur.

Grizzly bear droppings contain little bells in and smell like pepper.

Before that water passed through the dinosaur it came from an earlier solar system that went super nova, and who knows how many alien creatures peed their pants experiencing the super nova thus passing the water, literally, on to our dinosaurs and now us.

Why is it that women get manicures? Do men get womanicures?

Fill in the blank: ____________ tastes like dinosaur p*ss.

we breathe the same oxygen as well…

Now if they can only do something about my intolerance to beans

Once again water is bad. This time because it has been around too long. Every particle on Earth existed among the dark matter before the Earth and before those condemning them.

From now on, when I serve water, I’ll say, “Care for some dino whiz?”

I live in the greater San Antonio area, and there’s a lot of great Mexican and Tex-Mex restaurants. Recently I went to eat at one of the best with my friend Sara.

She had recently been diagnosed lactose intolerant, and hadn’t eaten dairy in months, so I was a little surprised she wanted to eat there.

Before the server could even ask if we wanted an appetizer, Sara blurted out “I haven’t had cheese in forever. Bring us a cheese dip and chips, and don’t even bother heating it up.”

I gave her a puzzled look. “Queso raw, Sara?”

She shrugged. “Whatever will be, will be.”

Until next time.

A bear walks into a 7/11. He picks up a 12 pack with his incredibly big claws, and walks up to the clerk and says “I’ll take these.”

The clerk is stunned, so he heads to the back to speak with the owner. “Hey boss” he says, “there’s a bear asking for a beer.” The owner pauses for a second, then replies “Well then sell it to him, but charge him double. Bears don’t know the price of beer.” So the clerk heads back out front and sells the bear the beer. “You know,” says the clerk, “we don’t get many bears around here.” To which the bear replies, “At these prices I’m not surprised.”

Until next time.

I can’t BEAR to think of what we’re drinking.

Take care, may lovingly anticipated milkman Charlie “Some Want Buttermilk And I Do Deliver” Lechord be with you, and gesundheit.

Many years ago, I found out…the hard way…that all of a sudden, my body didn’t like lactose milk.