Monty by Jim Meddick for August 25, 2022

Run and let Moondog deal with the angry mama bear.

“I don’t hafta outrun the bear. I only …”

The young couple on their honeymoon were about to spend the week camping in Yellowstone, but first they had to listen to the ranger’s orientation speech. He was particularly emphatic about bears. “They’re a protected species, so we’ve got lots of them, but they’re still dangerous. Don’t approach them under any circumstances. And don’t try to outrun them; they’re faster than you are. And climbing a tree won’t help, either; they’re better at it than you.”

The nervous gròóm asked what they could do about it.

“Well, some people stop by the gift shop and pick up wristlets or anklets with little bells. Sometimes if they hear you coming, they’ll move off before you get there. You can also get cans of pepper spray in case you surprise one. Oh, and be on the lookout for fresh bear scat; that’s a sign that they’re around and you might want to leave.”

“What’s scat?” asked the bride.

“Bear droppings. You can tell what kind of bear it is by what their pòóp looks like. The smaller ones, black bears, have scat that’s kind of firm and roundish, like dark ping-pong balls. The really dangerous guys, the big grizzlies, have softer, flatter, lighter-colored droppings, kind of like cowpies, except they usually have little bells and smell like pepper.”

I think that if he lives, He’ll want to burn that sleeping bag. What most people don’t know is that bears smell terrible. Even the cubs can be dangerous.

Monty thinking to himself: “God, Let that be a stuffed teddy bear he brought from home”.

I suspect a quick sashay out of line of fire and finger pointing will ensue.

Finally, everyone wants to be behind Moondog.

RUN or let the massacre begin!

Seriously, though; if you’re ever on a trail and see a baby bear, DO NOT APPROACH IT! That usually means Mama Bear is not too far away.

They’d better hope that the guidebook has lessons in playing dead!

In a nearby town, some unidentified person recently shot a mother bear that was known to live in the vicinity. Killing a bear is illegal here except if it’s necessary for self defense.

The baby bear was left an orphan, which is sad, although I think that wildlife officials were going to try to do something for it (presumably raise it in captivity). They were still looking for the person who shot mama bear. Personally, I’d give that person the benefit of the doubt. Bears are hard to reason with.

Now you can panic, Monty.

This is unbearable.

RUN!

Reminds me of the Far Side cartoon where the guy gets in the elevator between…

As long as they can outrun Moondog, they’re safe.

“Well, this is just gonna ruin our day…”

Hey Moondog! Next time leave the dam Fiddle Faddle at home!

Snakkin’ in the sack! C’mon!

whoop-SEEEEEEE!

He’s so cute!!!!!!!!!! Can we keep him? :)

probably want to burn that guidebook if you visit our part of japan. our local tv station posted a video of a bear wandering about downtown and, completely unprovoked, attacking a worker who just happened to be there at the wrong time. a recent vid shows a young bear grabbing a car’s side mirror and rocking the car. why? stoopid people have apparently been tossing food from car windows…

Right now I’d be more worried about where that club’s mom is

A black bear cub was hiding in Moondoggie’s sleeping bag.

Ruh roh. It’s not really Moonie’s fault, but now all three of our campers are between mom-bear and cub!

Well, you all know the cliché: “I don’t have to run faster than the bear; just faster than you!”

https://www.theonion.com/dna-evidence-frees-black-man-convicted-of-bear-attack-1819594800