A priest and a rabbi are seated together on a plane. After a while, the priest turns to the rabbi and asks, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?” The rabbi responds, “Yes, that is still one of our beliefs.” The priest then asks, “Have you ever eaten pork?” To which the rabbi replies, “Yes, on one occasion, I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.” The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
Later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?” The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.” The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptation of the flesh?” The priest replied, “Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.” The rabbi nodded understandingly.
He was silent for about five minutes, and then he said, “Beats a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?”
I always thought there was something fishy about that duck over there. Also there’s something ducky about that fish. LOL, hey I got a million of ’em. ~ Jerry Seinfeld, making millions off of tripe.
Take care, may relentless sun worshiper Betty “Scrub Oak Bark Skin” Oncologord be with you, and gesundheit.
My new avatar is is my painting of a Jack Russel family! The Daddy i Beaudreu on the left, next in the front is their son Dash ,next is Mama Gypsy, and on the right is daughter Lily! They were a lot of fun to paint and even more fun when the owner actually shed tears when I presented it !
Benny the Russian was strolling along a beach along the Caspian Sea when he stubbed his toe on a magic lantern. He picked it up, polished it with his sleeve (it was a little chilly so he wasn’t wearing normal beachwear..) and (you guessed it) – out popped a genie!
The genie said "OK you get the traditional three wishes. What’s Wish #1?
Benny replied “I want to be rich – you know, yachts, multiple homes, mucho dinero in the bank account – that kinda thing.” (Many people not in the US speak multiple languages – Benny’s second language was American English.) The genie replied “That’s one of our stock wishes and easily granted. Wish #2?”
Benny said “My second wish is to be handsomely virile – so much so that I’m sexually irresistible” The genie replied “Ho hum, another typical one – when you get to your mansion you will find many beautiful women anxiously awaiting your ‘company’. What’s Wish #3?”
Benny thought for a while, then said “Well, I want to live forever, in order to enjoy Wishes #1 and 2.”
The genie replied “That’s a little more complicated, and comes with a condition. It can be granted but if you ever shave you will be turned into a Grecian urn.” So do you still want that as Wish #3?
Bennie said “Yes, I can live with not shaving.” I would elaborate about Benny’s thought process prior to his acceptance of this condition but I don’t want the story to get bogged down with non-essential information trivia if you will…
We’ll now pick the story back up with Benny is ensconced in his #1 palace and enjoying all the perks . He’s loving the Rolls Royce (with chauffeur) plus every other material good he desires, as well as (ahem) the fruits of Wish #2.
After a hundred years or so of bliss Benny (who is admittedly a little spoiled by this time) starts to be a little irritated by his beard which has become a significant impediment to his mobility.
Benny retires to his gold-plated master bath and shaves a small portion of his left cheek (he’s left-handed so that would naturally be his first choice). Nothing happens, so he shaves a little more. Still no adverse effects!
Benny thinks “I bet that genie has retired, or has lost our agreement (after all it’s been a hundred years)” and proceeds to shave his entire face. As the last whisker succumbs to his razor, he turns into a Grecian urn.
What’s the moral of this story? A Benny shaved is a benny urned. Of course – what else could it be?
I hope you didn’t skip to the end as this life lesson should be taken seriously. My next life lesson (once I recover from all this typing) will be “King Arthur and the Yellow Fingers.”
Templo S.U.D. almost 2 years ago
Oh, how do sea robbers theorize evolution?
pearlsbs almost 2 years ago
Here is a link to information about the stolen beach if anyone cares to look at it.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2008/oct/21/jamaica
Cool Hand Luke Premium Member almost 2 years ago
It is far more likely that ducks transfer fish eggs that stick to their feet or feathers.
monkeysky almost 2 years ago
How do you steal a beach? Literally, you shovel up the sand and carry it off to sell. Apparently some types of sand are quite valuable.
jmolay161 almost 2 years ago
Drugs were probably buried in that Jamaican Beach!
The dude from FL Premium Member almost 2 years ago
How do eggs survive the gizzard? That’s a pretty rough place
Pickled Pete almost 2 years ago
The Flesh is Weak
A priest and a rabbi are seated together on a plane. After a while, the priest turns to the rabbi and asks, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?” The rabbi responds, “Yes, that is still one of our beliefs.” The priest then asks, “Have you ever eaten pork?” To which the rabbi replies, “Yes, on one occasion, I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.” The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
Later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?” The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.” The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptation of the flesh?” The priest replied, “Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.” The rabbi nodded understandingly.
He was silent for about five minutes, and then he said, “Beats a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?”
therese_callahan2002 almost 2 years ago
I guess the thief stole beaches from Aruba, Jamaica, Bermuda, Bahama….
19JRL44 almost 2 years ago
fish eggs passing through a duck alive, that’s quackers!
Huckleberry Hiroshima almost 2 years ago
I always thought there was something fishy about that duck over there. Also there’s something ducky about that fish. LOL, hey I got a million of ’em. ~ Jerry Seinfeld, making millions off of tripe.
Take care, may relentless sun worshiper Betty “Scrub Oak Bark Skin” Oncologord be with you, and gesundheit.
zerotvus almost 2 years ago
You mean Darwin was loaded on rum?
khmo almost 2 years ago
groan but original
poppacapsmokeblower almost 2 years ago
Does the baby fish come out humming or singing the song, “What a long strange journey”?
joefearsnothing almost 2 years ago
My new avatar is is my painting of a Jack Russel family! The Daddy i Beaudreu on the left, next in the front is their son Dash ,next is Mama Gypsy, and on the right is daughter Lily! They were a lot of fun to paint and even more fun when the owner actually shed tears when I presented it !
WCraft Premium Member almost 2 years ago
Darwin’s theory inspired by a pirate? You mean he drank too much rum?
oakie817 almost 2 years ago
“Why a duck?”
ars731 almost 2 years ago
There was an fasciting article in wired about how sand is becoming much fought over. Like people are getting killed over it. Its insane
LAFITZGERALD almost 2 years ago
The cartoon of a mother duck being shocked by a fish hatching in its egg is truly hilarious – ha, ha, ha, ha!!
FireAnt_Hater almost 2 years ago
Benny the Russian was strolling along a beach along the Caspian Sea when he stubbed his toe on a magic lantern. He picked it up, polished it with his sleeve (it was a little chilly so he wasn’t wearing normal beachwear..) and (you guessed it) – out popped a genie!
The genie said "OK you get the traditional three wishes. What’s Wish #1?
Benny replied “I want to be rich – you know, yachts, multiple homes, mucho dinero in the bank account – that kinda thing.” (Many people not in the US speak multiple languages – Benny’s second language was American English.) The genie replied “That’s one of our stock wishes and easily granted. Wish #2?”
Benny said “My second wish is to be handsomely virile – so much so that I’m sexually irresistible” The genie replied “Ho hum, another typical one – when you get to your mansion you will find many beautiful women anxiously awaiting your ‘company’. What’s Wish #3?”
Benny thought for a while, then said “Well, I want to live forever, in order to enjoy Wishes #1 and 2.”
The genie replied “That’s a little more complicated, and comes with a condition. It can be granted but if you ever shave you will be turned into a Grecian urn.” So do you still want that as Wish #3?
Bennie said “Yes, I can live with not shaving.” I would elaborate about Benny’s thought process prior to his acceptance of this condition but I don’t want the story to get bogged down with non-essential information trivia if you will…
We’ll now pick the story back up with Benny is ensconced in his #1 palace and enjoying all the perks . He’s loving the Rolls Royce (with chauffeur) plus every other material good he desires, as well as (ahem) the fruits of Wish #2.
After a hundred years or so of bliss Benny (who is admittedly a little spoiled by this time) starts to be a little irritated by his beard which has become a significant impediment to his mobility.
FireAnt_Hater almost 2 years ago
Benny retires to his gold-plated master bath and shaves a small portion of his left cheek (he’s left-handed so that would naturally be his first choice). Nothing happens, so he shaves a little more. Still no adverse effects!
Benny thinks “I bet that genie has retired, or has lost our agreement (after all it’s been a hundred years)” and proceeds to shave his entire face. As the last whisker succumbs to his razor, he turns into a Grecian urn.
What’s the moral of this story? A Benny shaved is a benny urned. Of course – what else could it be?
I hope you didn’t skip to the end as this life lesson should be taken seriously. My next life lesson (once I recover from all this typing) will be “King Arthur and the Yellow Fingers.”
Running Buffalo Premium Member almost 2 years ago
A play on the song. Fish eggs, fish eggs, roly poly fish eggs …
https://youtu.be/cn73Wtem0No?t=132
JastMe almost 2 years ago
If you want to know a little about the pirate whose researches of plants and animals around the world influenced Darwin (slightly) visit
https://ocean.si.edu/human-connections/exploration/william-dampier-pirate-who-collected-plants