Real Life Adventures by Gary Wise and Lance Aldrich for February 16, 2023

Now, there’s honesty for you.

Queue-Anon

Rest assured if you have any questions or problems with our plan/product/whatever/however you were stupid enough to get involved with us, please call our Toll-Free Customer Disservice Number to speak with five different people in India who you can’t understand. Expect to be on hold for twenty to thirty minutes before you speak briefly to someone who will talk over you as you try to ask your question, then they will transfer you to a “specialist” and you will be on hold twenty to thirty minutes. While on hold we will have an automated voice ask you if you’d like to answer a brief Customer Satisfaction survey at the end of your call, please press one. Or press two to leave your full name, date of birth along with a brief message and we will never return your call. Expect this to happen a minimum of five times until we have wasted two to two and a half or three hours before we disconnect your call. THIS WOULD BE TRUTH IN ADVERTISING!

Oh! Hi! I just called to let you know your fulfillment centre is on fire. Please press ‘4’ if you think you should evacuate.

FINALLY! Honesty and transparency!

“Para escuchar este mensaje en español, presione el número nueve.”

i called doctor’s office and was told i was 35th in line

“How may I disconnect your call?”

Once took me 3 hours on hold before I got someone. Another time it took me 8 months of calls to find the ONE person who had a clue and solved my problem. We were supposed to become a service economy and can’t even do that right.

But I’m really digging this hold music!

True.

What about “Your call is very important to us?”

Held for the IRS 2 hours and 45 minutes but I had no choice.

Give up hope all ye who enter here….

Press P for Pinhead if you’re still holding

If you want to turn off the hold music , press the star key , (THIS option only lasts about 3 minutes!)