Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for February 21, 2023

that’s me – I’m dying every day

after reading this drivel, I’m dying on the inside

I live alone and still manage to find shoes to trip over.

Brought to you by Hoarder Alarm Systems.

That’s not quite my house. We don’t have shoe piles. We have book piles plus an attack kitten who twines around everyone’s feet.

When I was a little kid, everything inanimate had a life and personality as in Disney cartoons. In my looking down at unoccupied shoes on the floor, it seemed they had open mouths that gaped at me. It was scary, as if they seemed hungry.

I think the worst thing is walking into a home and being greeted by this massive pile of shoes right inside the door. One place I went, you couldn’t actually open the door all the way because of the pile.

It is a custom in Japan to take one’s shoes off upon entering the house. It was a tradition in my family long before I even saw Japan.

We lived about a half block from the subway. The soles of our shoes had all kinds of dirt on them. We took them off at the door and put them on a piece of scrap carpet. Once a month we replaced this scrap as it was too dirty to clean.

Well, we can see how well you raised your family, can’t we Aunty?

And that is why we have a genkan

Hang them from the ceiling and let the burglars get ‘booted’ about the head and shoulders in the darkness.

Come to my house, my dogs will happily greet you with deadly joy.

Not only shoes, they will trip over the cats and get their throats ripped out for disturbing them.

We had the same problem shoes everywhere. We got a shoe rack now by the front door and no more tripping

Who knew being a slob could be a theft deterrent.

My house they will trip over Emerald the Yodeling Cat as he tries to escape.

She has Rick and Morty lips.

If anyone tries to break into my house, I have an S&W 9mm next to the bed.

When I was young and first left home alone at night, I would pile up maybe have a dozen pair of shoes right by my bedroom door. I figured it would at least wake me up if someone tried to get in my room. Child logic.

Several of my neighbors have shoe trees or shelves in their garages. I often wonder what they wear to go get them to put them on, and also what they might find inside the shoes when they get them.

I nearly died because my husband not only left his shoes out, but left them under something so they were hidden.