Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for March 13, 2023

Cats hate taking showers.

I hate the plastic liners, that mold is impossible to get rid of. Fabric for me any day; I use the same wash/bleach regimen to keep them clean.

You asking your owner to the pet pound?

Oh the hell of doing a pet pounding there. You’ll be safe but a hurt blow or two beats away any good times.

The battle rages on.

I went to sleep at “white fabric …” Wake me up when its over.

Trust me. You’ll miss the monologue when you’re back at the shelter.

Thou philistinistic frog-applauding dunderhead! Thou abhorrent ape-shaped addle-head! Loud, insensate, misshapen, oozing blob! I mold your slime into a bad toupée. I grease the skids of your decline, may you ski jump to deserved, oblivious oblivion.

I had to stop. The whole time, I felt like I was just getting started.

Before our move we used a cloth liner and a plastic outer curtain. And an outsized absorbent bath mat.

I have a wooden bathroom floor, water fallen on it, must be wiped up promptly to prevent damage.

this leads to the inevitable “dropped human” scenario

The pooch has to be terribly miserable to want to go back to the shelter….☹️She probably never asked him who’s a good boy and given him treats! ☹️If she never gave her doggie a bone, shame on her!

She’s obsessed with her rest room problems and needs to consult a professional about the curtain. The Froglandia Bathmat Factory has a consultant on duty 10:00-2:00 daily….advice on “how to” and decorating tips on enhancing your home.

And then, and then, ah ah … along came the kitchen …!

( a shower in the kitchen would isolate the problem )

The animal appears to be a cat. It’s following the human. I’m confused.

Just do what I do and do all yer warshin’ in the crick out back. Might I recommend the squirrel bristle brush does a mighty fine job on all those nethery places, and is naturally antibacterial and mold resistant. And away go troubles down the babbling brook!

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She does tend to babble on*, doesn’t she, Doggie?

*There’s a private punny pleasure there, which I may not disclose.

Still, one must respect her diligence in attempting to keep her shower curtain clean; but is it not in fact a double curtain, one hanging outside the tub and one inside, with or without a liner? And don’t forget the spray disinfectant!

…and that’s why I only have my coffee after I shower…