Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 10, 2023

That’s why I don’t go to the dentist.

His dentist is a bit of a peeping tom.

That’s a bridge too far, Dentist.

He is worse than the “Elfon the Shelf"

I have a cleaning appt Tuesday to dread.

Use a water flosser. You can hit a dentist three feet away.

I floss ONE time per day. Because I don’t enjoy it AT ALL partly because I bleed so easily. The dental tech and the dentist both push me to floss more, but it ain’t happenin’: Doing it once a day was a big deal for me. Enough!

The name of the dentist should have raised a red flag or two: Dr. Flo S. Stalker, DDS

My stepfather was like this with tires. He could meet an old friend he hadn’t seen in years and the first words out of his mouth would be “I see you’re still barking your wheels against the curb”.

He thinks you’re SSSEEEEEEEXXXYYYYYY , pig. You got you one pure bred stalker. Reminds me of the Brickleberry episode, where Malloy got lured into that redneck’s trailer,and the guy’s behind him dressed in leather and Malloy’s all pigged out on snax and says “man, I am stuffed!” And the redneck says, "you ’bout to be. " ’

I want one of those sleeping hats.

Pig had a moment of peace when he got in bed

Big brother is EVERYWHERE!

The dentist wants to be one up on the Tooth Farie!

Talk about a nosy dentist.

Hey Pig, floss the ones you want to keep!

I’m glad I don’t have that dentist, because I don’t floss… at all.

Even worse, Pig’s bedroom is on the third floor.

Big Dentist is watching

That paranoid dentist has Pig stringing along every night.

He’s everywhere! He’s everywhere!

Pig should brush that dentist aside or off.

Leave him alone, Dentist!

Be true to your teeth, & they won’t be FLASE to you!

Cartoonists still use a nightcap as a visual cue someone is going to bed. Who actually wears them?

wow, a dentist who makes house calls

… and don’t forget to use one a them fuzzy floss picks too!

You want your dentist to look after your dental health, but let’s keep it in the office Doc.

Anyone else ever notice that when people brush their teeth on TV or in movies they don’t rinse the sink after spitting? All that gunk just sits there. It grosses me out.

Once you experience EXCRUCIATING tooth pain, you learn to floss! (I had a traumatic brain injury and was in a coma for 60 days. The doctors couldn’t brush my teeth, so I got a WICKED cavity. Bad news: local anestesia no longer works so they ground down my tooth with NO NOVOCAINE!)

Bye bye Dr. Dentist: Frammin’ at the Jim-jam, Frippin’ in the Krotz!

I have a spot in between my back two teeth where food gets caught all the time so I floss all the time. I have carrots every day I work for the lunch I pack so I need to floss after lunch. I almost always floss after breakfast and after many dinner meals as well. Last year at the dentist this older lady was filling in for the normal dental hygienist. She asked me how many time per week I flossed. Conservatively I said 12-14. She stepped back and in a fairly rude tone said, “I said per week not per month!”

Face it, dentists are known for their drills.

But how would they stay in business if they are that vigilant? Mine gives me 1 inch of floss after each visit along with a box of taffies.

A Stalker-Dentist is probably best avoided, Pig. Find yourself a new, normal dentist. But don’t forget to floss!

My dentist would be a tad bit arrested for trespassing.

dentists scare the !@## out of me