Free Range by Bill Whitehead for October 03, 2023

“Holy” withdrawal symptoms, Batman!

Short-legged cop. What is he – 4’10"?

Yeah, he needs to start eating cheese danish and coffee cake.

What’s that crawling out of his shoes? Odor Eaters looking for a place to barf and die?

I would never take diet advice from a Podiatrist.

You can keep eating the holes for a month or two.

Yep, start by trading one of those donuts for a Maple Carmel Long John every day. That will solve the problem.

And lay off the coffee…

I drove down an unfamiliar street yesterday and saw two donut shops within a block of each other. It made me wonder if there was a police substation nearby.

The stereotype of police eating donuts goes back to the fifties at least.

By that time, two franchises (still big today) had the donut shops vastly increased.

For cops on a night shift, few diners were open, and bringing a bag wasn’t great,

But donut shops had to prepare for a rush in the morning; they stayed open late.

The donuts came cheap and with no need to wait, so the choice would continue by day.

What’s more, they provided a calorie burst; on the beat, you could burn them away.

Some joints gave them free to police for protection. The chiefs said, “Do not accept gifts.”

Regardless, the image of craving for donuts stays valid for cops on all shifts.

—me

I thought flat-foot was just a saying.

try donuts then…