Super-Fun-Pak Comix by Ruben Bolling for February 08, 2024

Get thee to a nunnery!

Maybe the old tried and true “poison his gazpacho” routine.

Start over.

Keep wasting time trying to draw Doug until the right moment.

Have him slip on a banana peel.

Start the play when he’s a child, so he has to feign insanity until he’s old enough to swing a sword. That’s how it was in the source material. You can get one of the child actors Rosencrantz mentions in Act II Scene ii to play Hamlet-as-a-Boy.

The real solution seems to have been to make Hamlet bipolar, alternating between manic passion and crippling depression. There are moments when he’s ready to run Claudius through on the spot, but something happens to drain away all his initiative.

It’s monkeys all the way down to the bottom of the bottle.

It has already been proved this thought experiment works. There were a few million monkeys in Africa and they eventually evolved until there was one special monkey named Shakespeare in England who wrote a bunch of plays. Later, some of those monkeys also invented the typewriter.