Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for June 17, 2024

You are running him down the Valhalla express?

“When my Oldsmobile Viking died, it was such a fine old boat, I gave it a regatta funeral and burial at sea.”

— Marmon J. Duesenberg, recovering tycoon, reminiscing in a 1933 interview at Our Lady of Perpetual Emotion Soup Kitchen and Caliope Repair

I had a betta once.

“When my Jetta dies, I’m giving me a hiking bannerole.”

— Jesse from “The Fast and the Furious” contemplating the MUCH slower pace of commutes via Shank’s Mare

Today’s Senryū du Jour:

My betta half went —

gravel’s mine, she got the bowl.

Lot of fight in her.

— Ichthyologist Gill Agnatha, in 50 Ways to “Shades of Grey” Your Lover, © Cullen Skink Enterprises, a division of Finnan Haddie Co., a subsidiary of Frolix & Mollusk, Unlimited

Facepalming moments in “Go Fish!” history:

Hey, Vinnie — do you have any fins?

Considering the betta temperament it seems like a good idea.

Bonus Monday Senryū:

Viking funeral?

The worst part, they say, is the

“Horn Hat” never honks.

— Maria Callas, in Not to Blow My Own Horn Hat,But This is Not My First Opera Stampede, Bucko © 2024 Lord of the Nibblerings Imprince, Wagner Brothers Films, in conjunction function with Die Walküre Junction, Rheinghoul Beer, and Brünhilde Sang So Go Home Now! LLC

Fat Lady w/Viking Horns and Breast Plate armour sang her song…

David Gilmour, It’s Over until pigs fly backwards out of the butt of a moon.

Dark Side Light Saber Side, it’s a made in China sound scape.

Pregnant Women are stillery martini’s Mash 4077.

!!Bug Out!!

Pull the tag off The Pillow means deep six and good luck Roy and Dale, too hopeless trails too you two.

Bet on The Vikings deep purple people eaters

You are sticking the finger, and do not point.

They are either feasting or fighting, depending on the available resources.

And what do you plan for yo’ betta half?

Well, sure — there’s no way a biker funeral would be more workable.

A shame, really.

Dearly Beloved,

We gather here today to bid a pond farewell — sorry, a fond pair-well….

Wait, let’s come in again.

Sincerely,

— The Tribunal-Times of the Holey Orifice of the Supposition for a Betta World

very sporting of you!

Does that mean flinging him into the stratosphere with a trebuchet?

The betta fish can live in very filthy water that has little or no oxygen in it, by gulping bubbles from the air.

Bettas are exceptionally tolerant of low oxygen levels and poor water quality, owing to their special labyrinth organ, a characteristic unique to the suborder Anabantoidei that allows for the intake of surface air

Of course. It’s the pyro’s way. Burn baby, burn…

The invites go out via Norse code.

Death has always been a critical moment, and consequently death is surrounded by taboo-like rules; chief among these is the cessation of respiration and perspication prior to ignition.

— from the ritual text, “Passing of the Torch and other Pyrrhic Victories”

Traditional Viking Senryū Prayer:

Well, now that I’m dead:

Here I lay me down on fire.

Ha! Pants on pyre!

Hard to know what’s best for a final bed.

Ice floe? Pyre? Staked out for lions? Lover’s Leap?

Maybe lounging in the Lap of the ol’ Grim Reap?

Cul de Sac’s just as much a Dead End as is dead.

One could always choose to go on aging badly

but where’s the soundtrack by The Grateful Dead?

Come the end, we are all free to depart gladly,

leaving behind our accursed, malfunctioning heaps.

— from the traditional folk song Body by Fisher, Well Salted by Insults and Rhodes, popularized by Mariah Heep and Uriah “Hari” Carey

Mary Worth on Comic Kingdom is similarly working to bury a gold fish at sea. The insanity of this bury fish at sea meme is typical Frog Applause.The inanity of the bury fish at sea meme is typical Mary Worth

I’d betta day’s wages you won’t.

I’m visualizing a drunken debauch, culminating in a kickline of bearded men and women to The Immigrant Song. Then everyone who hasn’t passed out yet contributes a teaspoon of dirt to bury the tiny ship carrying the guest of honor’s body.

Is that what you mean?

…I’m greek…

…with a bunion on each foot…

…I, too, was going to mention Mary Worth…

…this Wilbur guy jumped off a cruise ship…

…survived…

…told no one…

… ya just think when he’s alone at night that he watches The Rocky Horror Picture Show in character…

…heck…

…Mary even slapped him and told him to snap out of it…

…now, his betta dies and Mary & her friends are using it as an excuse to have a sunset party on her boyfriend’s yacht…

…hey…

…maybe Wilbur will fall off again and become friends with James Caan’s ghost…

…or maybe Clarence will jump in the water first…

…then Wilbur will find a talking horse…

…or Francis the talking mule…

…or Mr. Limpet…

…he can play Barney on the new Mayberry reboot…

…where fentanyl has turned the town quite dangerous…

…Trump signs are everywhere…

…and Joe pickett is sheriff…

…

…what’s this all have to do with todays FA?…

…nothing …

…I was just trying to give you your money’s Worth…

…and if it’s free…

…take two…

you betta, you betta, you bet…

Don’t burn your boat until you’ve stocked your dingy.

she should hook up with wilber weston

If you plan to bury your betta in a ship-shaped coffin, do have a look at Øseberg finds!! If you plan on giving your betta a burial at sea, you’re on your own!!

Are you filleting him before or after the, um, “funeral?”

AND, last (for now) but not least:

Today’s offering is about giving an Alpha funeral to a Bet(t)a guy? That’s just flaming LAME …!

Be an angel.

Please don’t carp.

Try not to be koi.

Take me to school?

Easy — my herring’s still good.

Tuna piano?

Grunter and Gulper!

Pray to cod!

My head on a pike!

Crappie! Need a sturgeon!

Scads are about to clam up.

Hmm — no scallop on the gallop.

Perch right there.

Armorhead-Archer-Alewife!

Bleak-Bigscale-Banjo?

Sheepshead-Shovelnose-Shiner.

Not that I give a Sleepy Silver Scat.

Disco-Dew fish, hey.

Damselfish Drum — whoo!

Ghost Flathead. Glass Knifefish.

Wolffish, Weever…

Ghost Knifefish and Ghost Fish!

[ swells ]

Sea: Chum.

Gizzard Shad!

[ Guitarfish to fade ]

— from “Just a Quick Swim,” by Wimple Swordsworth

Of course you should.

…propaganda is the opposite of truth…

…that’s why I like it…

…I only tell the truth…

…and he only lies…

…he’s telling the truth…

…and I’m lying…

…but if he only tells the truth…

…and you’re always lying …

…that means he’s lying and you’re telling the truth…

…whirl…

…click…click…

… BOOM! …

…the fish isn’t really dead…

…he’s alive in the endless ocean…

…where the shark & the whale…

…and the whale and the giant tentacle thing…

…swim together …

…and uncle Ben is there…

…and aunt Dorothy…

…and Old Yeller…

…Buck…

…and Irish Red…

…are there, too…

…

…where A&W is still served in 10 cent tiny mugs on Tuesday…

…and Frog Applause is free…

…only winning baseball teams got ice cream…

…and no one was mad at me for dropping the easy fly ball that lost us the big game…

…and everyone loved rainbows because a promise never to destroy the world again came with them…

…and you didn’t hope & pray for the end to be near…

…propaganda…

…those dang leotard wearers…

… and Al Jolson singing a silent prayer…

…and we didn’t have air conditioning…

…just screens and fans and lemonade…

…and granny with the vapours…<

The cat doesn’t care if it is raw, smoked, or roasted.