Close to Home by John McPherson for January 20, 2025

it’ll be mistaken for a cue ball

Great gag. Eye love it!

Why would you dump human ashes onto a walking path? That’s probably illegal!

Before I read the narrative, I thought she was trying to get a favorable ‘advanced’ drop after her golf ball lodged on the bridge.

Here’s looking at you kid.

Clark Kent?

I’ve had two fusion operations on my neck, so I’ve got four rods and fourteen screws in there They’re all made of titanium, which has a melting point of 3034° F, and the temperature reached in cremation is less than 1800° F. So if my ashes are scattered off a bridge over a road, there’d likely be a flat tire or two resulting. People with hip and knee replacements likely have even more titanium than I have. Since these are precious metals, some crematoriums will “harvest” them for recycling (hopefully with permission).

We’ll keep an eye out for it, Carol!

Clark Gable and Carole Lombard?

I’ve always wondered about that. Also, replacement hips and knees and whatnot.

It’s a good thing that Clark wasn’t the Six Million Dollar man or she would have needed a wheelbarrow.

Always keep your eye on the road.

Whole new meaning to “rolling your eyes”.

Immediately after this she went to the bar in Loose Parts.

She throws his ashes on a road? Nah.

Clark’s seeing the world.

She’ll have to keep an eye out for it.

The eyes have it.

Would a glass eye not melt in the heat of a crematorium?

EYE C U!

Eye knew this would happen. It was foreseen. :)

She caught his eye once, she can do it again.

Run after it Bleeb! There’s 20 bucks and a beer in it for you! Don’t it make my brown eyes blue. :)

He’s still keeping an eye out for her.

My brother and I are avid drag racers, we would want our ashes to be scattered from a drag chute at the end of the 1/4 mile run from a 9 second street legal door slammer. The wives do not find it funny, our urns would be on a wall somewhere I think.

Hilarious, John!

I don’t wanna be more stuff that won’t ever get dusted. My burial is a ridiculous price but pre-paid. My kids can change my mind after i die if they think they can live with their decision.

I’m sure he’ll SEE it was an innocent mistake….

After the cremation what remains is bones, and unburnable things like metal rods. The glass eye and jewlery (and breast implants) would be removed by the mortician. All the metal and such is removed and the bones are pulverized to be returned as the cremains. There aren’t any real “ashes”, those disintegrate in the high heat. The family can request to have all the “other” returned.

Reminds me of a joke about a guy with an artificial eye made of wood, who went on a date with a woman with a wooden prosthesis for one lower leg. He asked her, “Wouldn’t you like to go steady with me?” She got excited and exclaimed, “Wouldn’ I? Wouldn’ I?!” and he got mad and yelled “Peg leg! Peg leg!”