Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for December 08, 2009

No twits in heaven. Not even Upper Class Twits.

But, how will they know when other people are singing The Lord’s praises?

(Oh. Right. They’re always singing The Lord’s Praises…)

Definitely my idea of heaven. But then, I suspect that most people addicted to their mobiles aren’t headed in that direction anyway.

Wiley, you got it wrong!! That bin would be EMPTY!

Eyes have not seen, ears have not heard…

And Jacob CALLED unto his sons, and said, Gather yourselves together, that I may tell you what shall befall you in the last days. (Gen. 49:1)

They won’t need any more calling after this.

In Heaven there is no tweets that’s why we tweet down here and when we’re gone from here our friends will be tweeting..

It works better with beer.

In Heaven, when you ‘tweet’ it’s because you’ve come back as yourself but in bird form … no, just kidding!

I DO NOT Believe in reincarnation.

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Wiley, you got it wrong!! That bin would be EMPTY!

This makes me want to live A Very Very Good Life.

Because think about it.

What’s going to be going on in Hell?

24/7/365.25 …

And the Devil’s Doorman makes you strap one of each of those Devices From Hell to your belt, with no off switch and batteries that never run down, and your numbers are all listed on Yahell!

Give me a nice lake of fire, with only the sound of eternal screaming, any day.

Speaking of which, folks, I think we should give Joe Allen a pass today, and not pick on whatever he posts. Fair’s fair. No sarcasm here. Seriously.

Aaaaaah, just the soul, no earthbound goods, love it.

Sounds like Heaven to me.

Thank GOD.

I love the guy at the back of the line, looking regretfully at his phone. ;)

If only god could get rid of reality tv too.

I think the guy at the back of the line is trying to get as many text/tweets in before he reaches the trash can!

I think the guy at the back of the line is so deep into his texting/tweeting that he is completely oblivious to the sign and will miss the trash can completely.

If you don’t ‘follow’ anybody and don’t watch un-reality TV life is good.

How do you know when you’re officially “behind the times”?

Your cell phone is simply that.

and…

you’ve yet to sign up for “Twitter” and don’t plan on doing so.

and…

you don’t watch “reality tv” because you figure your own life is interesting enough.

heh

“Heaven, I’m in heaven!”

as in Cheek to cheek–or the video.

So if you throw away your cell phone and look back a itdo you turn into a pillar of salt?

@jaiel–perhaps–unless you turn into a picture on LOLcat.

Ghostpony: That’s me!!

If only god could get rid of reality tv too

That’s one of those freedom of choice deals She cooked up with Satan …

She’s up there sayin’ why are you prayin’ for that? I already gave you a TV with an on/off switch, then a remote control…

How ‘bout a couple lightning bolts to remind you how lucky you are … hold still now …

Prayers will henceforth be limited to a maximum of 140 characters…

Amen to that!

If I can’t drive around heaven in a cherry red 1969 Mustang convertible, I ain’t a goin’…That’s why it would just be silly to pave the streets with gold!

Wouldn’t everyone already know what everyone was doing up there anyway?

Good one Wiley – Amen!

Ten years ago, we all wondered whether Google would still be around in a decade and now look where it is. On the other hand, the good folks at Coca-Cola were just certain New Coke was going to sell like crazy.

That said, I sort of wonder whether we’ll one day look back on Twitter the way that we now look back on slap bracelets (kind of cool, but in the end pretty useless and annoying).

”If I can’t drive around heaven in a cherry red 1969 Mustang convertible, I ain’t a goin’” - retro-picarD

I hear ya, brah. Let’s go to Hell together - we can cruise the boulevard of Good Intentions, me in my cherry robin’s egg blue 1955 Ford Thunderbird convertible, the first perfect car of my generation. I really wanted one then, in my nine-year-old Fruedian male id way when they came out. Still do, in my nine-year-old Freudian male id way.

http://www.diecastcars.tv/images/92068t.jpg

Or if you want cherry red, how about the car that was designed to out-Rolls the Rolls, a 1935 Duesenberg SJ-LA Grand Dual-Cowl (ga-a-a-asping for breath) Phaeton Convertible with a straight-eight engine. “Only the chassis and engine were displayed at New York, since the interior and body of the car would be custom-made by an experienced coachbuilder to the owner’s specifications.” - wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duesenberg

A Man’s car. A Connected Man’s car. (Seriously, who do you think the intended market was?) Original models available for $15,000,000 at the BuyItNow! price on eBay. Visa, MasterCard, PayPal and YourKneeCaps accepted.

Or you could go with understated elegance, and cruise around in one of these, a (taking deep breath) 1931 Isotta Fraschini Tipo 8B Viggo Jensen Cabriolet d’Orsay with coachwork by Dansk.

http://www.thecityreview.com/s02ccar1.gif

Sold by Christie’s at auction in 2002: “Maroon leather and ostrich skin upholstery and maroon soft top; appeared in the movie “Sunset Boulevard”; sold to an American private collector for $1,382,500.

I’d drive it straight to Hell, and I bet I could find a couple of smart funny women who’d make the trip with me, just to ride in that Bad Boy. Want a job as a chauffer, Dracip?

“All in all, I think I’d prefer Heaven for the climate, but Hell for the good company and interesting conversation.” - Mark Twain

I actually saw a limo of that basic model in high school, just driving down the street in -wait for it- Joplin Mo. Only it was a hardtop, painted a tasteful black, no side-trunks, but with an open chauffer’s compartment, and it looked like it had a straight-twelve engine. I just stood there and stared like the hillbilly I was at the time. Finest car I’d ever seen. Go-o-o-olllle-e–e-ee!!

“Ain’t gonna swap. Cain’t haul nothin’ in it.” Yeah, gimme one-a them big ol’ squawr’ block long Hum-Vee stretcht limos - hot pink! [1] - them’s classy an’ after th’ prom why yew kin feed th’ dairy herd while there’s time left on th’ ren-tal.

[1] You think I hyperbolize? Cast your gaze and weep:

http://www.midlandslimos.com/images/pink-limo1.jpg

—- google image search and wikipedia - the * cultured * man’s time-sink..

”Wiley is a sad old curmudgeon who is afraid of everything fewer [sic] than twenty years old: confirmed for the millionth time.” - Roto13

Roto13 is a pathetic old geek with no friends no sense of humor and nothing better to do than drop his pants and say hey look at me look at me I want some attention here.

The exit door is over there. Use it.

Wiley, can we say “fewer” here–

What? Rotto13 is a world-famous comic strip artist? Author of Garfield, Family Circus, and Cathy? And Andy Capp too??

Oh, I am -so- embarrassed, Mr. Rooto! Please forgive me. I wonder, could you autograph my copy of my Idiocracy DVD for me?

Thank you. Discard the electronic leashes on the way in. Yes!