Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 04, 2012

Goat, why do you even try?

Fashionable hypocrisy. Let the arguing begin.

Roses are red, violets are blue,I’m not schizophrenic, and neither am I.

Obviously, Have A Nice Day is out of the question. (Popeyesforearm – I just left a note for you on yesterday’s page:)

I’m adding Rat’s bumper sticker to my funny sayings list, along with “My apathy trumps your outrage” and “Abstinence: 99.99% affective.”

If God didn’t want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat? That’s my favorite…I’m a vegetarian.

I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to do.

Horn broken. Watch for finger.

As usual, Goat’s right. It does hurt Rat’s case that he’s putting it on a a bumper sticker to get folks to stop telling him what to do on bumper stickers. But Rat is right too. Some of these bumper stickers are quite obnoxious in telling folks what to do, how to do it, when to do it, and what will happen to them if they don’t do it.

Oh, my favorite bumper sticker that doesn’t tell you what to do, “Congress’s motto: If it Ain’t Broke, Fix It Until It Is”

“…what to do ON”… a “bumper sticker?” Hmm…

Rat left out the second part: “You’re not the boss of me!”

My favourite bumper sticker: “Commit random acts of kindness and senseless beauty.” And it always cracks me up that people have to stop and think what it means.

Rat is often my personal hero.

This reminds me of my older brother hitting me and then again for telling him to stop it.

Ah, Rat! You shouldn’t let something as inconsequential as a bumper sticker bother you. At best, they’re sometimes worth a chuckle. (You do know how to chuckle, don’t you?)

“Don’t brake for Zombies”

I would buy that bumper sticker.

My favorites bumper stickers? WWSD? (What would Spock do? – we could use some logic)and“I really do not like bumper stickers”

‘My son was the inmate of the month at the county jail’

Save The Whales – Collect the whole set!I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals, it’s because I hate plants!

My favorite is “Honk if You Love Jesus…Text while driving if you want to meet Him!!!”

When I see a bumper sticker that says Question Authority I want to know who the @#$!! they are, trying to tell me what to do.

I wish I had a bumper sticker big enough for If you must follow me too close, please don’t die in the ensuing fiery collision.

Perfect Bumper Sticker:

HELP STAMP OUT BUMPER STICKERS

IF YOU CAN READ THIS

YOU SHOULD BE KEEPING YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD

I want Rat’s sticker!

“If you’re reading this, you’re missing that semi that’s about to nail you head-on”

The popular sticker in Portland is, “Keep Portland Weird”.Now the new one is “Weird Isn’t Working”

I like attributing quotes. The first one is among comedian Stephen Wright’s best. Dunno the second.

Rat is going off bumper sticker with that last command…

perfect bumper stickerI WOULD NEVER USE BUMPER STICKERS!

People with bumper stickers instructing you to honk for one reason or another don’t actually want you to honk. Just a little FYI…

“This IS my other car”