Loose Parts by Dave Blazek for March 27, 2021

Whatever you, don’t push the Off button!

Press the rewind button!

that’s not even remotely possible…

I thought it would be in the Couch Cushion Nebula.

Quickly, fast forward to Jan 20th, 2025 when this madness will be over.

Fast forward to the end of Covid.

Well, that changes everything!

Must be a very remote corner of the galaxy…

Oy…blast it into space…we’ve had enough of boob tube TV!

fascinating….

My apologies for posting this over two posts, but it is just too long.

Saturday morning is my “computer time.” It’s when I clean up things on my computer and clean out old emails and such. Once a month, it’s bill paying day (I run on a fiscal month – I pay whatever bills I have on the 20th of the month with whatever money I have on the 20th of the month). This practice harkens back to the day when the bank mailed out the paper statement to me on the 15th of the month ad bills were due on the first.

Today’s saga was programming the new remote. We have Direct TV, the good news that Direct TV doesn’t sell remotes anymore for $25 but have 3rd party vendors (like Walmart) that sell them for about $9 and you don’t have to wait 10 days to have it shipped. Instead you have to wait three days for Walmart to get it out of the back room and move it to the front desk and then go to the store to pick it up.

The remote came in a box big enough for a small air conditioning unit.

The other good news is that Direct TV use the same remote for all of their boxes. The bad news is that you have to tell the remote what TV you are using.

As I sat at my computer in my den, from the other room I am hearing a commotion. My wife was using words that a longshoreman would pass on and was stringing them together in the most creative fashion. I figured that she must have been trying to program the remote. I stayed away until the snarling and profanity subsided. Then, offering a fresh cup of coffee as a peace offering, I entered her room.

I’ve decided that Direct TV (and other vendors) have it out for us senior citizens. They print the instructions in 4-point type which requires an electron-scanning microscope to read. Donning two sets of glasses (don’t tell me you’ve never done this – wait, it will happen to you), I dove into the instructions.

Star Trek jokes are always good to see. Thanks, Dave!

Que opening cords of “Also Sprach Zarathustra”.

“Let’s see if we’re on Netflix.”

…it appears to need batteries…

God dropped it under the couch.

A meteor just hit a button…

Fun Fact: In the late 1980s, actor William Shatner had an outdoor satellite dish, positioner and receiver installed at his horse farm in Kentucky. The captain of the Enterprise couldn’t work the remote controls, it was too complex.

I hope it doesn’t activate the Universal Soldier.

What it does is reverse the polarity (of the neutron flow.)

See if it can fix the ice cream machine at McDonald"s

Great! Now maybe no more commercials!

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

Happy Birthdays this week to Leonard Nimoy and William Shatner. Two nice Jewish boys who only fired their space lasers at bad guys. LLAP \\//_

To Xfinity and beyond!

Dang it Jim, I’m a doctor; not an I.T. Guy!