Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for April 26, 2018

Just curious, who paid for the remodeling?

“Come closer.. stand on the X please.”

Swim on over and we’ll talk…

Like I doubt a drawbridge will deter missionaries of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as well as Jehovah’s Witnesses. Might be easy when it comes to Girl Scout cookies though.

Needs a moat…with crocodiles…just sayin’.

That’s rather extreme…all you need is a sign that says “Beware of Hot Oil.”

Proof that Stephan can indeed draw bridge. Now show him the door. Or is he not adorable?

I find that opening the door with my bathrobe gaping open works pretty well!

He shouldn’t open the drawbridge to talk to him, he should stand on the parapet and hurl French insults at him! And cows.

Mr. Rat, tear down this wall, and the big door as well.

Now, if only there was something like that for Robo-callers!

Now go away, or I will taunt you again.

If we could only do that with the phones. Modern man’s daily medieval torture are they.

A door just like Rat thinks Queen Victoria would have had. Hmmm?

I didn’t see a door Knocker, how can you have a draw bridge without that? Now that’s weird!

We have a “No Soliciting” sign prominently displayed on the front door.

The only ones that stay away are the ones that can read.

For the ones that aren’t allowed to walk away, I point at the sign, wag my finger, shake my head no and point to the street. Then I close the door.

Nice drawing. The draw bridge. Drawn well. Oh wait, there’s no well. Oh well.

You are under no obligation to answer the door. I don’t.

Never had anyone come up that wasn’t selling religion, so in addition to the “no soliciting”, we have an “Absolutely no witnessing” sign.

Great idea, Rat

Looks like their battle with the salesmen has come to a draw.

The salesman should use swallows to help deliver his pitch. European swallows, not those slow African swallows. (Or are the European swallows the slow ones? I forget. Must be than constant banging of coconut shells…)

Notice hanging on my front porch; “I’m fully stocked on brushes, vacuum cleaners, cosmetics, encyclopedias, and insurance. I do my own lawn care. I have found Jesus. I know who I’m going to vote for. I make charitable contributions through my workplace. My telephone is fully functional and you bother me enough on it. You are on private property without invitation. Please leave quietly, and we’ll all be happy.” It doesn’t work very often, but hope springs eternal.

I really need one of those. I’m not interested in solar leasing or becoming Mormon.

Congratulations Go Comics in doubling your clicks – oh wait, its just because of your idiotic ‘Overview’. I’m sure your advertisers don’t mind paying you more for nothing though.

This is why god gave us volition and the brains with which to exercise it. If you hear a knock and weren’t expecting anyone, don’t answer.

I like a drawbridge, but I’m surprised Rat’s idea met with Zoning Board approval for that neighborhood they’re in!

What, no moat?