Close to Home by John McPherson for September 30, 2020

I’ll be home by 11.00. Get down and boogie Bleeb.

That level of coercion is unprecedented. I predict she’ll be home plenty before midnight. She has Bleeb on her side…… or should I say Bleeb is on his side.

Confusion Reigns.

Brutal, but effective.

Yet another reason to close your facebook account.

Parents ultimate weapon: the power to embarrass.

It’s not true that teenagers are rebellious, stubborn and disobedience. It just takes the correct motivation for them to learn.

Facebook account DELETED.

Maybe Dad is attempting to reenact part of the musical “South Pacific”?

I’ll be home in an hour!

Message to the boy friend. “The apple does not fall far from the tree.”

She might not come home at all.

Well played mother. Well played

Such a cool dad, all of your friends will love him!

I have noticed that Bleeb has become more of a participant than an observer. Perhaps he has become more relaxed with our planet.

Ahhh! I don’t know whether to bleach my eyeballs or drink it, but that worked better than a cold shower! You can forget about having grandkids.

Jeez, that’s a nice hula dance and all there buddy, but you need to be very careful of that weird little yellow alien bug-looking thing by your foot! We’re very attached to it… sorta like a mascot. It hangs out around everyone’s feet and if you were to… say, accidentally step on it … well let’s just say it would not end well for you! We’d hafta unleash the robots and ninjas, and zombies and lasers and stuff! And if, for some reason you were to survive all that, then you’d have to appear before the Impkins & Patsnozzle… and most likely, they would sentence you to Gnarfle the Garthok! (<—-Insert cheap 1990’s Coneheads movie reference here!)

YOU’VE BEEN WARNED! ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°

Besides, if you squash one… I understand they let off a powerful stink… and there’ll just be yellow goo everywhere!

Watch it Bleeb that’s one skirt you don’t want to look under.

That’s borderline extortion.

Is this what they mean by “ Tough Love”?

Great idea!

Cruel and unusual!

Good threat, Mom!

It would’ve terrified me!

Change your FB settings, quick! 1) privatize your friends list, 2) don’t let anyone post to your wall!

I used to threaten my son that if he misbehaved, I would come to his school, have him paged to meet me in the office and give him a big hug while admonishing him for leaving home without giving me a big hug.

This should definitely work!

Fun fact: “Dancing Bleeb” was the B-side of the single of “Dancing Queen.”