Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 16, 2015

Exactly who hired you?

Forget about blues, Rat. Your work would be far more appreciated on hip hop lyrics

Insubordinate.

Rhymes with inordinate? Insubordinate, coordinate, try to get a word in it?

I’m gonna have perpetual blues if Stephan doesn’t get some better jokes soon.

“There is no mountain of sufficient height, no valley of great enough depth, and no river of sufficient width to prevent me from approaching your proximity.”

Who was the comedian that did a bit like that on Stephen Foster’s “Ol’ Man River”?

“What rhymes with ‘inordinate’?”

Sublimate.

I dare Rat to criticize some of the Rap artists.

Oops. Rat just informed me that “Rap artist” is a contradictory term.

Robert Klein did a spectacularly funny bit as a blues singer. A quick Yoo Toob search yielded nothing.Years ago, when they used to advertise the Yellow Pages itself, there was an ad that featured “Lonesome Dave’s School for the Blues.” Lonesome Dave demonstrated his art by singing, all in major keys, such classics as “I’ve been workin’ at the Burger Barn dusk to dawn. I’ve been workin’ at the Burger Barn long, long, long” and my favorite “I blew my SAT, scored 473. No more scholarship for me.”

Oh good, another grammar Nazi.

Well, I’ve got the Blues at Midnight………

♪♫ Ain’t got no antidote for blues ♪♫ (Dire Straits)… but a little rat poison might possibly help.

Hey listen up Rat

♬If it weren’t for bad grammar♫♪He wouldn’t have no grammar at alllll♩He’s a blues child…♫

I don’t envision a great demand for Rat’s services.

He can always freelance on Facebook or GoComics

Whatchamacallit.

No blues singer worth anything would actually start a song with a cliche like “I woke up this mornin’”.

I gots them inordinate fornicate kinda blues.

Why equestrians travel through desolate landscapes:

♪♫♪ … as there is no individual to harm you. ♫♪♫

“The difference between the blues and the blahs is that you can’t sing the blahs.” George Carlin

This bit was done by Stan Freeberg in the 50’s, with a radio censor correcting a singer who was performing “Old Man River”… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLlTlYfqQV4

they say i do itain’t nobody caught mesure gotta prove it on me

(show me the way to go home)show me the way to my habitual abodei’m exhausted and wish to retirei had an alcoholic beverage 60 minutes ago& it went straight to my cerebellum……

Coordinate.

“Orange” sorta rhymes with inordinate, or does it? Hillary Price (Rhymes With Orange comic strip) won’t be glad to hear of this.

mostly by turning the knobs to up the reds and greens.otherwise the blues lend too warm a color to the pictureand take away some of the clarity

There’s the “or” sound, the “n” up front and then the “ge” from the gee whiz after you finish reading this.

Move forwardPerson for whom I feel affection, do you not wish to accompany me?Move forwardPerson for whom I feel affection, do you not wish to accompany me?As I return to the location I previously inhabitedFondly regarded origin, Chicago.

========There is a crimson domicile in the distanceWhich is where the girl of my affection residesThere is a crimson domicile in the distanceWhich is where the girl of my affection residesI have not been in that particular residence to visit the girl I mentionedIn fourteen weeks, 1 day, and 12 hours.

I remember it well. 1951 watching the first I love Lucy on a 21 inch zenith in a 28 ft trailer while in the AF in Texas.

Stolen from Stan Freberg, ca 1957. SHAME!! Stan’s body isn’t hardly cold and he is being robbed already!

“The blues ain’t nothin’ but a good man feelin’ bad.” I believe that was Leadbelly.

Did the P2 lyrics remind you of Kris Kristofferson? They did me.

What rhymes with inordinate? Try dead rat.

I haven’t missed youAn amount inordinate.And this whole song ain’t got aDecent blues chord in it.

I’m reminded of an interview McCartney gave where he described his dad’s reaction to a preview of the song “She Loves You.” Dad liked the song, but not the hook “yeah, yeah, yeah.” He took it as an Americanism creeping into the Queen’s English. He asked, “Can’t you sing ‘yes, yes, yes’?” “No,” replied Paul.

Love it

Informal ain’t improper, rat.

“Ain’t” actually started out as a contraction of “am not”, but at some point fell out of favor as proper grammar.