Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for March 15, 2018

I would also recommend turning off your smartphone.

Strange, but lately I’ve been waking at 430 – 5 in the morning. I tend to doze for an hour or so. Most pleasant, really. Retired, no pressure, just a nice, slow way to start the day. Not that I don’t think about the past or the future, or the dream I had, but pleasant nonetheless.

Poser. Some of us are living it.

Not very original, Rat- I’ve known of several who try to live that way.

Unfortunately, at my age, when I first wake up, my bladder requires immediate attention. After that if time allows, I can go back to sleep and experience a little bliss.

You are probably dreaming right now. See if you can be aware of it and control it.

Yes! Sleep is boring: we need more Prostate-Bladder Blather!

I wake at 4AM and start going OMG! OMG! I feel doomed.

Oh please. I invented this in 2016.

This actually happened to me this morning.

I get up at 5am, have leisurely coffee, read GO COMICS and head off to the ice rink to skate at 7am. And I am retired, so no rush to get to work afterwards. And I got to bed at 8-9pm. “Early to bed and early to rise” and all that jazz.

So that’s why “Sleep away camp” is so much fun.

Motivational thought: Keep the dream alive – go back to sleep.

If you have nightmares, you feel better when you wake up. This morning I dreamed I was taking candy from work that I thought was free, but wasn’t. I got a roundabout scolding that amounted to the instruction that I had to find another copy of the exact specific imported item and replace it.

Yes, that way, you’ll die soon.

No, you didn’t, Rat.

Rat would do less damage to the universe if only he followed his own advice.

The 1st shall be last. Get over yourself Rat!

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

Tell me how you can go back to sleep.

Life is but a dream, sha boom, sha boom.

This is an absolutely brilliant idea, and if I can figure out how to me it work …

Not entirely practical, Rat. You have to leave some “awake” time for eating and drinking and watching TV!

Just 8 hours of sleeping every night is enough. You can’t waste your whole life sleeping just to be happy! Besides there are some times when sleeping is discouraged.

it should work. thats all garfield did