Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for April 21, 2018

I thought it was because cows liked bling.

Shh! We’re not supposed to know!

You know that cows are behind a program of chikin genocide, right? Maybe we are next.

So farmers can find them in a field when they can’t immediately see them. And maybe to scare of potential predators.

The real answer is that it’s done so that farmers can locate their cows more easily. The problem is that cows actually hate the things — and there’s evidence that it may actually be damaging their hearing, too!

Because that’s what farmers want: more cowbell!

Because their horns don’t work.

I thought it was to prevent a multi-cow crash on the rural interstate.

And now, can we have a cow take the same test with a pig-related question? I am sure we can build a joke around that.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/cows-officially-the-most-deadly-large-animals-in-britain-a6727266.html

Rat will disable the Bells for a modest Fee!

In 2016, 19 workplace deaths were attributed to cattle, more than spiders, snakes, sharks and alligators combined.

Coincidentally, The Straight Dope had an article on this subject yesterday – https://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/9730/how-dangerous-are-cows/

I had a lady boss who wore a charm bracelet. When I was goofing off, I’d keep a listen. As soon as I heard the clinking of the bracelet, I would get busy. Worked great.

Farmer John’s cow had a bell,Farmer John loved it so well.Cow rang it really loud,Peeved off the wrong crowd.To make a long story short,They took Farmer John to court,Now Farmer John is no longer proud.

It’s in case Christopher Walken drops by on a farm tour. And while we’re on the subject … Since when did Pig enroll at Moo U?

Cows that must be milked must be located. I’ve seen fog so thick in Europe that you couldn’t see your feet while standing.

Hmm, I hadn’t thought of that, must get one for my wife.

I like that answer. It fits the Gary Larson theory of cows.

To get to the other side!

Oh wait, wrong joke…

But why would farmers kill us in our sleep? Oh, wait… maybe Pig meant…

More cow bell!

What is the singular of “cattle?” It is not cow, because that could refer to a female elephant, hippo, moose, etc. Referring to them with their scientific name, “Bos taurus” is sort of a copout. Could “there is none” be an answer?

Question: Why do farmers place loud bells on their cows?

Answer: Because if they placed loud neckties the cows would look silly.

Thanks for using “they’re” correctly, Mr. Pastis. As to the bells, they’re there for their own safety. ;)

Cows kill more people than sharks do every year.

Are you suggesting that Pig’s answer is not correct, Cartoon-Boy?

I sure miss the Crocs.

In case you really want to know, I will tell you. As a farmer, the only cow to have a bell is the “alpha” milk cow. Every other cow in the herd follows her. Some how she is smart enough to know when it is time to be milked. All the other cows are spread through out the field eating, or resting, they are not always close to her. When it is time to be milked, she will start walking towards the barn and the bell will start ringing. The other cows hear the bell ringing and follow her back to the barn to be milked and fed. Oh yeah, on a side note. Cows do not do Daylight Saving Time, so we farmers don’t really get to do it either. You start milking your cows at 6:00 am Standard Time and it stays that way, you just milk at 7:00 am Daylight Saving Time.

THEY’LL NEVER FIND ME

10 percent of the time does also kill the chilren