Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for August 14, 2018

Ha ha! The joke’s on you, Rat! I’m going to be cremated.

It’s not great to live much longer than that 77 years. Both of my parents are in their mid-80s, and their quality of life is pretty poor.

I wonder if Rat’s mind will be blown when he finds out few people live past 100?

Life’s a b!tch, then you die – Happy Birthday!

Actually, you were born to be eaten alive. When you slow down, the saber toothed tiger got you. Oh, who was that Fool the gave us thumbs and ruined the natural order of things?

I don’t get older: I level up!

Rat left out the part about wearing “Depends”, and eating canned dog food. Reality Bites !

As Dick Van Dyke, who is over 90 years old and still dances, said; don’t stop moving!

The sun is the same, in a relative way, but you’re older. Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death.

We have some folks in our skating club still skating and competing in their 70s and 80s. I’m just a mere child in my 60s…. Age is only a number.

Summary of my life: I was born, I lived, I bought the farm. Movin’ on, down. From mud I rise to mud I drown.

The rat, the rat…riding its wheel for exercise, always in greed until it dies, borrowing pepper to season its flies….

When Pig buys the farm, his name will be Mud.

When Rat buys the farm, his name will be Tar.

If I had known I would live this long I’d have picked better friends…..the type that know how to pick out nice birthday cards.

Rat is an existentialist.

“Life is what happens to you while you are waiting to croak!”

I prefer the Tao of Opus: “You’re born, you live, you go on some diets, you die.”

ANNOUNCEMENT: I am not going to die until I get my cake and Edith too.

Not starting the day looking at the dirt side of a lawn is a good thing.

I have decided that if I can’t take it with me, I’M NOT GOING!!!

Not only is it my birthdayy this is the first card I got! What a great way to start the day!

Life expectancy of a rat: ~2 yearsLife: sexually transmitted and fatal

This one hits close to home. I took the hop from 57 to 58 yesterday. Happy birthday, Steph.

Crap! Took a close look at the card… I turn 57 this year.

My dad is 77 years old. He’ll be 78 in February. I hope, Rat’s theory is incorrect

When social security was established the average life span was less than 55. So this is kinda awesome!

The countdown starts the day we are born. Thankfully, there is a better life to come.

Is Rat planning something to save the world? … there’s still hope?

Born: June 14, 1946 (age 72 years),

Hits home as I just did the 56 did 57 jump. Who knew I was the same age as goat.

Happy Birthday, Stephan!

My boss used to go out into the 4 counties we served to check on the people who were over 100, to make sure they were ok, and that no one was stealing their social security checks. When he started doing it in 1980, there were only 4 people over 100. By 2000, there were 20, so people are living much longer. One guy who was 104 wasn’t even home. He drove every day to the diner to have breakfast with his young friends – in their 80’s and 90’s.

(In a mournful tone)

“Happy birthday.

People dying everywhere.

Sorrow and sickness in the air.

Happy birthday.."

I’d buy Rat’s birthday cards! A dose of reality helps fight the sugar rush from all that birthday cake and ice cream!

I teach middle school math. If any kid gets obnoxoius on his/ her birthday, I use a similar numberline and say, “congratulations, you’re not just a year further from your birth, buy a year closer to your death!”- yes… I’ve made 13 yr old cry on their birthday. :-) You’re never too young to come to grips with existential angst.

Goat is 57???