Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for March 25, 2019

You’re ahead of the game if you survive the commute to work.

Pig, well thought, although with all the things that happen in the world that goal is sometimes out of our control.

Pig, you’re ahead today. You woke up, got out of bed, and having a cup of coffee.

You could have discovered you were wrapped up in a blanket, stuffed with cheese, and baking in the oven.

After you survive today, sit and wonder what happened to the last twenty years.

In 1970, I was too young to fly to the moon and now I’m too old.

Pig, my friend, one way or another—even Gates and Bezos— are trying to do just that. You’re today’s realist!!! Good for you!

This is like Timmy Failure, only less Greatness

I can relate.

As we get older, our goals diminish. Right now, my goals include finishing the day wearing the same underwear I started with.

Briefly check news. Drink beer. Go back to bed.

So far you’ve survived from becoming bacon, Pig.

That’s at least my work day covered!

Taking naps helps.

It’s Monday, so yes.

Especially now that people are starting to shop for their Easter hams.

Let’s have a moment of silence for all those wild dreams that died a quite death in the battle of day-to-day existence.

As you get older, your goals become more realistic

Rephrase that as ‘Live in the moment’ and you’ll have all sorts of people praising your profundity.

Hits home.

Just stretch out on the hammock,and praise the day you didn’t become Ham Hocks!

All PIGS hopes and dreams fizzle to the basic instinct…survival

Pig’s got a point!

The one goal that I’ve accomplished so far for the past 31 years

Well, he could wind up as bacon any day, so………..

Eat. Pray. Love.

Everything in sight. For riches. All the hotties until your wife catches on.

“I believe I’ve passed the age of consciousness and righteous rage;

I found that just surviving was a noble fight"

—Billy Joel

I’ve survived long enough to read this. Think I’ll treat myself to a nap.

With maturity comes a transformation of your goals into something more attainable:

1. Be an asshole nut.

2. Make a million errors.

3. Write a grating memo.

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation” (not sure if it applies to pigs…)

https://www.gocomics.com/wumo/2019/03/25

Actually, most pigs can’t do that – American males love bacon!

Pig, an Adult now? Well, maybe aged bacon isn’t all bad. Don’t survive today, Pig. The eggs are waiting to join you for breakfast….

my goal is to try to sleep as long as possible

Soon your goal will be find toilet paper.