Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for April 11, 2019

Now show what a rebel you are by bragging about not having AppleCare.

Note to children – protective cases to not make phones impervious to damage. I once saw a group of middle-school age children playing football with a phone “because it had a protective case”. Needless to say, it broke.

Pig, a man must convey self-confidence, security and demonstrate control, things like that make men attractive to women.

But I’m sure that you look delicious to both women and men.

You can’t help it if you’re unattractive. You’re just drawn that way.

I thought women liked ham and bacon too.

Why go after women, Pig? Are all female pigs extinct?

No woman likes you, Pig? Siri-ously?

bye bye Super Mario Run

Half a century ago I worked one summer job with a guy who always carried an expensive SLR camera. Whenever he spotted an attractive young lady, he would ask permission to take her picture, then ask her to fill out a model release form. Now he had her interest, her name, her address, and her phone number. He was quite successful.

He told me that he explained his system to one of his less successful friends and that friend promptly went out and bought ………….. a Kodak Instamatic.

Maybe they think you’re a sexist pig.

It always ends badly when Pig takes a risk!

Pig don’t worry …. Be Happy ! …. Croc Power !

Pig just made a spelling error while trying to emulate James Dean: he’s a Rebel Without a Case.

If you’re a jerk or have money or both then women love you.

Standing on a swivel stool? It doesn’t get any riskier than that!

OK, so women don’t like you. What about pigs?

“This is my iphone! I am in complete and total thrall to Apple Inc. and their questionable business and tech design practices!”

Once upon a time, a very bright woman friend with benefits explained it all for me. It seems that nice guys are simply boring. The bad boys are interesting and keep one’s attention because they are rather unpredictable, a little bit dangerous, and a challenge to control. Makes some sense, I guess, but…

I never understood the “bad boy” draw some females have.

PIG just doesn’t get it! Always traumatized, especially with RATS advice……

When introduced to a woman, Pig should start the conversation by saying that he always uses protection, then whip out his phone to show them.

Later on, Pig tries it at home!

They don’t make that model any more.

As Tim Allen has observed, men are pigs. As a man pig, Pig is doubly so.

If it is a 10, don’t even bother looking – it is toast

Lots of women like bacon.

Try a dating app, Pig and just lie about yourself

And then women wonder why they aren’t tender, follow rules or be safe.

I need a protective case for my life.

Might want to try an Android, Pig…with or without a case.

Most like their men in pants, so I’ve been told. Being over 10 times past The Age Of Reason, I expect it’s true.

I have drunk milk after the expiration date. The ladies love me… probably.

or maybe it is because you are a pig and you expect the beautiful women to want you. popular media seems to focus on idea of the beautiful woman falling for the dorky guy when the dorky guy isn’t open to falling for the dorky woman.

“Bad Boy Syndrome” lives, sadly.

Reminds me of Frasier on “Cheers” trying to be a bad boy, running around the bar yelling “I am running…with scissors!”

Pig is actually Joe Btfsplk.

Just give up, Pig. You are a Born Loser. The proof of that is Pigita (ugh!).

Un-die Sweet Fanny!

From personal experience…Don’t worry, It probably still works. This is an easy if expensive way of discovering if your bar has a wood or tiled floor. If the nachos and stucco walls had not alerted you earlier, you will now know,

I only like guys who have Otter Box