Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen for February 17, 2025

I think you’d need to use imperial for that distance, Carl.

Unfortunately for Carl, Minnie will see right through his attempt to become invisible.

As well he should. That was his wife’s favorite lamp.

And you know what this means, Carl?

No ice cream!

Carl can be such a prat,

He’s clumsy, selfish and fat.

He couldn’t care less,

About making a mess,

Minn may as well get a cat!

Will somebody please explain to him that if he can’t see us, we are still here? Wait I’ll do it. Where is that frying pan…

/// Carl was always a big clumsy lug.

The lamp broke when he tugged on the plug.

All such acts were forbidden,

thus his “crime” must be hidden.

So Carl swept himself under the rug.

What broken lamp? … Out of sight — Out of mind.

A lamp unto my feet.

Carl has no intention of blaming himself

That the lamp fixture fell off its shelf

He reached awkwardly for the switch

And the darn rotten son-of-a-b!!!h

Just twisted sideways and fell by itself

.

He will claim the lamp had defective design

He plans to sue and collect on the fine

On the grounds that for a goof such as he

It is not made fool-proof sufficiently

And its unsafeness has crossed OSHA’s line

Much to his dismay, Carl’s Cloak of Invisibility hasn’t been working too well.

His reversion to Plausable Denial has also met with strong resistance.

Now, why did you do that, Carl?

I think his anti depressants need adjusted.

This is just the latest in a series of ill-timed b0ners for Carl.

♫ Na-na-na-na CATman! ♪

I hope that wasn’t the lamp Aunt Hilda brought back from Germany.

The lamp that’s been shattered asunder/

By poor Carl’s egregious blunder/

Was costly and rare/

And Minnie will “flare”/

So he’s hiding his head: small wonder..

I so wanted this to be an Atomic Wedgie.

Good morning Balladeers!

“I didn’t do it, nobody saw it, you can’t prove it anyway.”

Carl will go far in life. But, unfortunately, not quite far enough.

Carl threw a fit and now he’s under a throw rug.

Good night, Ballard Dears!