Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for October 21, 2019

Mom is happy as long as you’re not bacon.

You’re a pig. She may not have envisioned the couch, but she almost certainly expected you to become fat.

Mom: My dream was for you to learn how to write without getting ink on your forehead.

I might frame that… and not send it

And, then, Pig reaches kill weight…

So Pig when did you retire ?

She had hoped he could learn to heard sheep.

There is no frame that can help that!

“It’s all in how you frame it.” Isn’t that the LAPD motto?

First give them the “good” news…

He’s trying to sell her a pig in a poke (frame it a as safe and happy).

Pig really porked out.

I have a lot of dreams for his life, they all have to do with his death though. (Ham, bacon, pork chops, sweet and sour pork, ribs, bacon, oh wait, I’m getting carried away, about to short out my keyboard.)

what a ham

Putting lipstick on a pig?

fat / flat on a couch … ??

She should happy that you’re not served up at Famous Dave’s.

PIG feels Discombobulated most of the time! He needs to get his bits together!

Well, for a PIG, that might be a dream life. Especially if it avoids being eaten.

My mother is so proud she’s beaming.

I see the PBS gang is still using that leaky pen…

Couch potato,with bacon.Mmmmm,bacon ;)

I like the subtle tribute to Charlie Brown writing his pen pal in that whenever Pig writes something with a pen his face gets ink smudged.

Just e-mail, or send her a text, Pig

Son, you’ll be ready soon for the final ride in a crowded truck trailer ride. No need to pack your bag. Learning Yiddish won’t help.

Pig is right – the message is clear with unadulterated labeling:

S.P.A.M.

Bacon

Pork Belly

Dear Mom:

I know I haven’t written for awhile, but I just wanted to let you know that my life is going pretty well. I’ve found a new really close friend who has her own big motorcycle. She took me out for my first tattoo last week. I love it, but won’t be able to show it to you: Kind of a private location, if you know what I mean. And the Doctor says her STDs are under control again. She introduced me to her good friend “Lamont” who never seems to come around except after midnight… but that’s okay because he has this wonderful powder stuff that keeps you awake.

PS: the first part of this letter was a lie. I just wanted to put into perspective that my grades this semester aren’t going to be all ’A’s. Happy Halloween!

Momma’s proud of her not-so-little porker, Pig.

Always respect your Momma!