Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for June 15, 2020

Beethoven the piano player eat your heart out.

I have the other problem where I live. There is absolutely no shortage of people around here who can be heard from 50 feet (15 meters) away, when there is no competition for noise within that distance. These are people in their 20s and older, who have no trouble hearing others speak at a normal volume.

I’m not soon going to be sharin’ inside air w/ folks for long enough to have a leisurely drink at pretty much any distance. You want to talk to me: Send email. See ya around Christmas… if it’s looking safer out there by then.

Say, what..

That’s not aunt Petunia , is Opus from Bloom County .

That is like a phone conversation with my dad. He only hears every 10th word and makes up a story for the 20 he didn’t hear. And yes the math doesn’t work out

PS He calls me on my cell ( which I got initially so he could call me any tine ). First thing out of his mouth " Are you at home?" “No.” click. I’ve been trying to tell him for 20 years that when I answer I’m prepared to talk to him. Nope, he wants me to run home and call him back.

And they’re not even wearing masks. Put on a mask and it’s every one mumble

a high whattage conversation.

I’ve noticed that people with hearing loss are having particular trouble lately. They can’t subconsciously lipread to fill in the gaps.

Hellloooooo over theah!!

6 feet isn’t that far

Talk about adapting – Guy described a ‘chat circle’ in his back yard. A few came and set up chairs and coolers about 6 feet apart. More people came and the circle got to about 60 feet in diameter. He said the three closest people could hear each other ok, but those across the circle had to text to get in on the conversation. But the beer was cold, there was lots of laughter, so it was all good.

It would have been better if they were also talking through masks.

“It’s windy”.

“No, it’s Thursday”.

“Me too, let’s get a drink”.

The Greek shall inherit the Earth?

Blessed are the cheesemakers?!

At work, I have to interact with customers wearing masks while wearing a mask, from behind a plexiglass shield. It is like the Cone of Silence from the old “Get Smart!” television series, except that it isn’t funny.

Someone tell Opus penguins can wear masks

And happy birthday to Garfield too.

I sound like this on most good days just to confuse people. It’s sooo easy (and yes, it’s from the Firesign Theatre) – Hiya, friends! Ralph Spoilsport, Ralph Spoilsport Motors, the world’s largest new used and used new automobile dealership, Ralph Spoilsport Motors, here in the City of Emphysema. Let’s just look at the extras on this fabulous car! Wire-wheel spoke fenders, two-way sneezethrough windvent, star-studded mudguards, sponge-coated edible steering column, chrome fender dents, and factory air-conditioned air from our fully factory-equipped factory. It’s a beautiful car, friends, with doors to match! Birch’s Blacklist says this automobile was stolen, but for you, friends, the complete price, two thousand five hundred dollars, in easy monthly payments of twenty-five dollars a week, twice a week, and never on Sundays

I tried writing down what I thought I heard a DJ say one time. Once I got to lollypop hand grenades, I gave up.

“Phsssh… sever your leg, sir. It’s the greatest day. Phsssh!”

I laughed out loud to most of today’s comments! They hit so close to home…most of them. I don’t get the one just above this however….. must be a quote from something or other I haven’t read. Not very literate!

Pear pimples for Hairy fishnuts

My mother swore my older brother and my middle names were “huh?” and “what?”

So Cap’n Eddie wears a mask to visit a penguin at the South Pole, but not to shmooze with his friends at the Offshore Cafe?

The unfortunate thing is that shouting can propel the aerosolized virus particles out to ten feet. Also, heavy breathing, so don’t go to that gym with the silly six-foot circles.

It kind of makes me rethink all of his crazy stories…. Maybe we just couldn’t understand him?

Doesn’t Bugs Bunny have a dear ol’ Aunt Pneumonia?

Where are their masks?

Waitress should be wearing a mask. She deals with a lot of people up close.

I thought it was Aunt Petunia?

“Eh ??? " ;)

Without masks 27 ft is the recommended distance.

Yep, been having trouble hearing/being heard with customers since my work (a country store) reopened. Not just the masks, but the plexiglass hanging in front of the registers… Oh, well. It’s not like it’s for forever.

They call them megaphones. Use them