Cornered by Mike Baldwin for September 05, 2020

Someone blew a “casket” making this one.

Hey, it’s going to be put in a hole and covered up, so why not?

I’ll opt for a funeral pyre.

And then there’s always the large, black plastic bag. You can choose between the tie top and the little metal binder top. For the fashion savvy you there is also the zipper bag.

Ask about their extended warranty.

The required concrete vault will still eat you alive.

What about a large pickle bucket for the ashes?

He wants you for your money…oh – AND your body.

Just feed me to the animals in the zoo.

Having unfortunately been in the position of buyer in this situation, I can tell you that they will try to sell you a fancy casket even for cremation. Yes, it will be burned along with the body. And when you decline, they will tell you that the body needs to be in a container and sell you a rather expensive cardboard box.

I’d like the cardboard box, please.

Jewish boxes aren’t far removed from that… Jewish law states that the box should deteriorate as rapidly as possible…

Good enough.

Every time I see a large sprawling cemetery I think to myself, what an enormous waste of land that will become meaningless a century from now.

With all the things I have worried about in my life, I think I’ll let someone else worry about what to do with me when I’m dead.

This sort of depredation burns my butt.

The dumpster is definitely more eco-friendly.

Environmentally sound, recycled from 2014.

People are dying to get in….to our best seller…..

She wouldn’t be seen dead in that.

Bare-bones model, perfect for reburying remains from repurposed graveyards.

No refunds, no returns. If not satisfied after 30 days, no one will know.

I’d go with the dumpster…the dearly departed won’t mind.

He was a big gangster movie fan. What do you have in the way cement overshoes?

My cremation is prepaid, with the ashes being disposed of by the cremation company. I’ve had to pick up ashes for relatives a couple of times. It’s not something I want to make my sons do. When I die, I disappear. That’s the way it should be, because I am just temporarily occupying this body. Once I’m done with it, it’s trash.

The whole idea of a luxury box to put in the ground is pretty strange. “It matters not, I’ve oft’ been told, where the body lies when the heart grows cold…”

I went in and did pre-planning so my kids won’t have to, and so they won’t be pressured into any expensive options. I was shocked to find that they didn’t offer any cheap wood boxes, the only wood they had was really nice and about twice the $ of a plain metal box.

Just put me in the recycle bin.

Ideal for the home buyer in today’s Wumo strip.

Velcro latch is extra.

They all look mostly the same.