Speed Bump by Dave Coverly for September 13, 2020

Pull up a chair.

I vote we shoot him.

“No”

That’s why I don’t answer my door or my phone. If your number isn’t in my call list fuggedaboutit.

Undecided.

The last choice.

My Smart-phone now tells me if the caller is Spam or questionable… and allows me to drop it out…

Before that… when the canvasser began their spiel in French… I would explain… in perfect French… that I don’t understand or speak a word of French… could they explain again… in English… They’re the ones who quickly hang-up and never call me again…

“If you complete this survey, you’ll get a one-in-one-hundred-thousand chance to win a $10 gift card from Amazon.”

Typical political poll: “Do you think candidate A is doing a Great job, Wonderful job, Fantastic Job, Tremendous Job …”

And questions of the type, “Have you stopped beating your wife?”

In addition to lying with statistics you can create a poll to get whatever result you are trying to prove.

Could you come back after I’ve had my coffee?

On second thought, could you go away and never come back?

Can I choose all of the above?

Do not darken my doorstep again!

I stopped doing anything like that for which I’m not financially compensated for my time. (don’t have that much time left)

One lesson I learned from my research class. Statistics do not lie. Statisticians do.

I filled out a “confidential survey” once and then was inundated with calls connected to my answers.

I always select the third choice and then just go with it.. Works well in restaurants as well.

Being an English major and a writer just makes this sort of thing more difficult. But I can’t decide whether it’s somewhat more difficult, much more difficult, very much more difficult, or extremely more difficult.

They asked me in May if I was very likely, somewhat likely, somewhat unlikely, or very unlikely to be indecisive. I haven’t answered yet.

What, specifically, are you asking? I Never get into specifics.

I most likely will ignore you.

If you roll that survey up around a pencil, it will be a lot easier to do what I’m going to tell you to do with it.

Just say “yes” and close the door.

SLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!