Last Kiss by John Lustig for September 30, 2020

  1. 13.2.6lustigavator
    John Lustig (Last Kiss) creator about 4 years ago

    Want to “win no prize?” Of course you do!

    So take a gander at today’s comic and post your funniest lines in the comments here.

    The winner—if there is one—will be the person that gets the most friends (or total strangers) to “like” their submission. Submit as many as you like.

    Now, let the quips begin!

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    eromlig  about 4 years ago

    “Is it a stye? Or did a snake bite me in my sleep?” “Better make sure…”

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    warjoski Premium Member about 4 years ago

    Him: “I love the taste of your tears!”

    Her: “So that’s why you had the garlic bagel with herring pickled in cream for breakfast!” or

    Him: “I told you I like my women easy on the eyes!”

    Her: “Oh ‘eyes’! I thought you said ‘thighs’! Cos I’m quite easy there.” or

    Him: “When you said you’d give me the hairy eyeball, I wasn’t expecting it to be quite so hairy!”

    Her: “Well, this is a ’70s porn reel after all.”

    Editorial Comment: “Remember kids: When a Last Comic writer gets paid, an angel gets its wings. Which is why you see so many wingless angels out there.”

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    GreasyOldTam  about 4 years ago

    Him: Who needs a prize when I’ve got you, Carla??

    Her: My name is Megan, and that’s the worst come-on I’ve ever heard!! I’d kick you in your dapper privates, except that neither of us exists “down there”.

    Snarky comment: Tune in Friday, when he finds out that Megan used to be Steve, and has only started transitioning….

    G.O.T.: Whew!! Pant, pant!! This is about the 14th version, and doesn’t even resemble the first one. This cartooning is hard work, and I didn’t even have to do the drawing. And yes, I do know that my “snarky comment” isn’t even a bit snarky, but it’s getting late, and I have to get up early tomorrow.

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    gunnrunner  about 4 years ago

    I think I have a fever,,,,,, YES I know I can feel it rising

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    michaeljwolff  about 4 years ago

    Nurse: “That eye’s glass, and it’d better be there when you’re finished.”

    Man (thinking): “Curses! She’s determined my stylish thievery technique.”

    Comment: “And coming in at #60 in our countdown of Romance Comics That Never Caught On: ‘Prosthetic Larceny Passion’.”

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    flashdrive1988  about 4 years ago

    He: “You’re so sad! Let me kiss your tears away.”

    She: “I’m not sad, but I can still give you tears!”

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    sevaar777  about 4 years ago

    Marvel’s Stan Lee had a “no prize” award for readers that would catch goofs in the comics. I’d say a fair number of editors got their first inspiration from that. Maybe a future comic writer will find that inspiration here as well.

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    whahoppened  about 4 years ago

    He: “You’re so soft, I can feel you moving.”She: “Quit that! You’re sucking bubbles through my tear duct and it tickles!”Comment: “Tune in tomorrow to find out what else that tongue can do and what happened to her fake eyelashes!”

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    nosirrom  about 4 years ago

    Him: “Yum! Banana cream pie flavored mascara. What will they think of next.”

    Nurse: “I’ve always liked things kinky, but I didn’t expect this.”

    Editorial comment: “It’ll be a kohl day in hell before he gets a second date.”

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    Ontman  about 4 years ago

    I got nothing…I just watched ‘highlights’ of the debate. Shell shock I guess.

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    Say What Now‽ Premium Member about 4 years ago

    Nurse thinking: “I’ve heard that John Lustig is a much better kisser. I would rather be with him.”

    Him thinking: “I’ve heard that John Lustig is a much better kisser. I would rather be with him.”

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    scote1379 Premium Member about 4 years ago

    Him; I love the taste of Mascara in the morning! HER ; You’ve ruined my Make-up you F#%king perverted ba@&%*@d ! Comment; He finds out She’s a domintrex in her spare time

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    JoeStoppinghem Premium Member about 4 years ago

    Him: Got your ear.

    Nurse: Got your privates.

    Editor: Awww, I was going to use these!

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    dwagon55  about 4 years ago

    “But, Nurse Apple, the Doctor said I should have one a day!”

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    CliveDaniels  about 4 years ago

    Him: Oh Helen, your eyes are my third favorite parts I love to kiss.

    Her: Don’t you mean Miriam, Moustache guy?

    Peter Tibbles (in spite of that name above)

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    Poppa_T  about 4 years ago

    Dapper Dude; “I can do things things that you have never dreamed of”Nurse Naughty; “I don’t know…my last boyfriend really knew how to tongue my eyes out”Editor Snarky “Is Dapper Dude really the man of her dreams? Wait till next week when Hirsute Hank her old high school crush moves back to town!”

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    ekw555  about 4 years ago

    Him: I told you it would be a surprise!Her: You told me you would lick me like I’d never been licked before!snark(?): I got nothing.

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    geezerider  about 4 years ago

    “I like to start at the top and work my way down…”“I’m gonna start at the bottom and double you up!”“I’ll place the bed-pan to catch his fall!”

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    Andrew Sleeth  about 4 years ago

    I wonder if there’s a drug he can ask his doctor about for that fetish?

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    cooterrichards  about 4 years ago

    Dude: The taste of blue eye shadow is such a turn on.Nurse: That’s not all that’s about to turn blueEditorial: Called in these comments but no one was home.

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    jaylef65  about 4 years ago

    If I had any talent whatsoever, I would be writing instead of reading.

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    BRBurns1960  about 4 years ago

    I love the taste of your mascara tonight. Pay no attention to the scalpel next to your genitals.A kiss on the eye is worth two stones in the bush.

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    Aaronious  about 4 years ago

    Dapper: Let me finger your lobes, just as you begged me to do. Nurse: Those aren’t the lobes I was referring to. Editor: Stay tuned next week when the nurse moves back to night shifts where the staff knows their anatomy.

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    scottbruce  about 4 years ago

    Him: Nurse, I feel a pain in my groin.

    Her: Is that an ascot you’re wearing or did the orderly give you a wedgie?

    Next week: the hormone injections start.

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    P51Strega  about 4 years ago

    Dude: “You are a fantastic kisser”

    Nurse: “Maybe you should keep your eyes open when you kiss”

    Dapper Dan missed his target as badly as I would’ve missed my deadline if I hadn’t dumped the writing on my readers."

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    twainreader  about 4 years ago

    Him: I’m an Ear, Eyes, and Throat Specialist

    Her: Do you know any Urologists?

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    Zebrastripes  about 4 years ago

    If you don’t stop slobbering all over my eyes, I’m going to give you a swift kick in the family jewels….

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    Lee Taplinger  about 4 years ago

    NURSE: Sir, it was just a prostate exam.HIM: Marry me!

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    totalspaceman2010  about 4 years ago

    Dapper: I live on tears, but I’m in a hurry, so I’ll lick your eyeballs instead.Nurse: This is what no foreplay gets you. (Wham! Dapper’s “private” pain makes him cry.)Editor: This contributor makes me cry.

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    Holden Awn  about 4 years ago

    Attempted social distance kissing in the Year of Covid-19 produced many awkward moments.

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    Tony Isabella Premium Member about 4 years ago

    When I wrote this one, I just thought it was a funny gag. I never dreamed John would make an actual contest out of it. Or is he auditioning my replacement? Hey, it’s 2020. Anything’s possible.

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    ChessPirate  about 4 years ago

    Him: “John!”

    Her: “Marsha!”

    John [Last Kiss] Lustig: “Hey, ChessPirate, be serious!” ☺

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    Thinkingblade  about 4 years ago

    Dapper: You wouldn’t want my finger trying to get that lash out of your eye would you?Nurse: I wasn’t expecting this much suction!Snark: Stay tuned – will this end well? Or will the nurse need attention from the handsome ophthalmologist down the hall?

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    tami  about 4 years ago

    “I know I’m a virgin, but I don’t think this is how it’s done.”

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    katina.cooper  about 4 years ago

    Her: Just because I’m a nurse and a nun doesn’t mean we can have fun. Him: Just because I’m a priest, it doesn’t mean your wife and my husband need to know about us.

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    glenn.belay  about 4 years ago

    I never imagined clinical testing of flavored eyelash adhesive could be so erotic…

    You killed that rabbit !

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    craigwestlake  about 4 years ago

    “If your eyes are this good I wonder what the rest of you tastes like” – “I wouldn’t mind you trying to suck out my eyeball if you weren’t someone I bumped into in the hall”

    “Oh boy, another person trying to channel Paul Lynde” – (You’re trying to make this hard on me, aren’t you John?)…

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    ArchieDill  about 4 years ago

    He: My mustache loves kissing your eyebrow! She: This isn’t what I thought you meant by “bumping uglies”!

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    NhojYenkcoh  about 4 years ago

    him “Your name is Iris? How apropos!” her “I only have eyes for you!”

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    NhojYenkcoh  about 4 years ago

    him “I’m just a sucker for blue eyes” her “No Tongue, No Tongue!”

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    Pedmar Premium Member about 4 years ago

    Actually, I’ll just use the dialog from today’s classic “Skippy” comic.

    He: “Let’s have enough cotton to fill two ears.”

    She: “An earache?”

    Editorial comment: “No, mama’s havin’ her club over tonight.”

    https://www.gocomics.com/skippy/2020/09/30

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    NhojYenkcoh  about 4 years ago

    him “Ummmmm licorice mascara!” her “It’s Anise, and I’m not THAT kind of girl!”

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    otforever  about 4 years ago

    Him: “Here, behind the ears?”

    Nurse: “Yes! Now scratch!”

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  45. 13.2.6lustigavator
    John Lustig (Last Kiss) creator about 4 years ago

    I just wanted to thank everyone who submitted gags in Wednesday’s dialogue contest. To keep from influencing voters, I decided not to comment on any of the entries. But now…

    Based on the overwhelming number of “likes” that “Say What Now‽” received, I think we have a winner!

    Congratulations, “Say What Now‽” Now you know the glory of having won no prize whatsoever! From henceforth, you are a Last Kiss No It All!

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    mikeflynncomicscom  about 4 years ago

    DUDE: I love to lick something this round and firm and fully packed… and completely real!

    NURSE: They’re real. And they’re spectacular. And they belong to the eye doctor who repaired them!

    CAPTION: This isn’t the first time that a wet kiss wound up resulting in salty tears!

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    Nick Danger  about 4 years ago

    In the glory days of Marvel Comics, someone who spotted a problem in an episode (of Spider-Man, for example), but who could come up with a plausible cover story explaining why it really wasn’t a problem would get a Merry Marvel No-Prize.So, are you going to hand out the Lusty Lustig No-Prize?

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