Calvin went on to become one of the great published science fiction writers. Sadly boys and girls, our Calvin died alone and destitute.
For years his agent and publisher showed him the numbers from his sales that included regional costs, returns, depreciation, marketing, usury taxes, costs of off shore accounts, advances, interest and other non-GAAP amounts. They explained that the bottom line showed how he was in debt to them.
Boys and girls, if only Calvin could have been able to do arithmetic…what more might he have done with his life?
Two weeks later, astronomers report the explosion of a planet in the Beta Corralis system, suggesting it looked like some energy testing gone horribly wrong… possibly because of bad data.
“Since i don’t have a dog that I can blame for eating me homework… I know! Honest, Miss Wormwood, aliens sucked all the learning out of my brain! What?!? You find that difficult to believe?!?”
In high school English (50 yrs ago) when we had to write poems, how happy I would have been to write this one, instead of one with dragons and phlogiston.
BE THIS GUY almost 4 years ago
I see the aliens got nothing useful after their long trip to Earth.
Sugar Bombs 95 almost 4 years ago
Not gonna lie, this kind of reminds me of a Shel Silverstein poem.
Templo S.U.D. almost 4 years ago
The teacher won’t buy that excuse, lad. Better go have chat with the principal, your mother, and your dad.
JudasPeckerwood almost 4 years ago
So much for the search for intelligent life here — on to the next star system!
codycab almost 4 years ago
Looks like Calvin has a “Twilight zone” episode in mind.
rshive almost 4 years ago
So now the aliens can’t add either?
Renatus Profuturus Frigeridus Premium Member almost 4 years ago
All that trip across the universe and they find a bad six year scholar. I bet the aliens will never invade us.
SHIVA almost 4 years ago
Off to the Principals office, and another call to Dad!!
Bilan almost 4 years ago
That may be a math class, but he’s history.
rekam Premium Member almost 4 years ago
Poor Miss Wormwood.
meg_grif almost 4 years ago
That story doesn’t add up.
TON618 almost 4 years ago
It actually came from me, the largest black hole! (Just read my profile name, that is the name of the black hole)
jmworacle almost 4 years ago
Calvin, you usual seat will be waiting for you.
cracker65 almost 4 years ago
Therapy Calvin
momofalex7 almost 4 years ago
Maybe Calvin doesn’t get math, but he is a wonderful writer. He should get some credit for that.
rentier almost 4 years ago
Calvin an angel? That makes me laugh!!
cjasc5250 almost 4 years ago
Classic dyscalculia.
BigDaveGlass almost 4 years ago
Loving the poem, if not the sentiment…
posse1 Premium Member almost 4 years ago
Thanks for the fun re-read this morning!
morningglory73 Premium Member almost 4 years ago
Clever poem.
Red33410 almost 4 years ago
“Fiendish suction cup” is a plunger! laughter
Mr_Cool almost 4 years ago
Maybe it’s a good thing that they mechanic’ly removed all the math, equations and numbers he ever learned. Lol
jagedlo almost 4 years ago
A rather creative way of saying “I don’t know”…
JoJoline almost 4 years ago
As Chief Orxc I have analyzed
All those words you said.
The remedy is very clear -
The office of The Head.
vaughnrl2003 Premium Member almost 4 years ago
Okay, I’d give him an A in English class and an F in math class. Together it’s a C and that’s good enough for me.
ThePersonOnGoComics almost 4 years ago
He can’t solve 4 + 5 ._.
A Hip loving Canadian... almost 4 years ago
Sounds reasonable …
(to the Q-a-non-sense folks.)
Kilrwat Premium Member almost 4 years ago
I love how the “knowledge” that got sucked out of Calvin was wrong!
KEA almost 4 years ago
If only this were creative writing class
gantech almost 4 years ago
I wish I had thought of that with my math teacher!
admiree2 almost 4 years ago
Calvin went on to become one of the great published science fiction writers. Sadly boys and girls, our Calvin died alone and destitute.
For years his agent and publisher showed him the numbers from his sales that included regional costs, returns, depreciation, marketing, usury taxes, costs of off shore accounts, advances, interest and other non-GAAP amounts. They explained that the bottom line showed how he was in debt to them.
Boys and girls, if only Calvin could have been able to do arithmetic…what more might he have done with his life?
tripwire45 almost 4 years ago
Calvin will grow up to be a terrific fiction writer.
alice almost 4 years ago
Beats, “the dog ate my homework .”
SweetSinger almost 4 years ago
Great poets are often unappreciated by their math teachers…
WCraft Premium Member almost 4 years ago
Next solar system, Captain: There is no intelligent life here.
jrankin1959 almost 4 years ago
Two weeks later, astronomers report the explosion of a planet in the Beta Corralis system, suggesting it looked like some energy testing gone horribly wrong… possibly because of bad data.
Pat44 almost 4 years ago
This is plausible. It explains a lot about what I can’t remember.
ForrestOverin almost 4 years ago
“Since i don’t have a dog that I can blame for eating me homework… I know! Honest, Miss Wormwood, aliens sucked all the learning out of my brain! What?!? You find that difficult to believe?!?”
ChessPirate almost 4 years ago
“Abowr’d”? ㋡
royq27 almost 4 years ago
Wish I had known that poem when I was in school, I certainly did not know the math…
cmo2495 Premium Member almost 4 years ago
If this were a poetry unit, I’d give Calvin an A+.
Otis Rufus Driftwood almost 4 years ago
A vivid imagination can be both impressive and troublesome. The pandemic is revealing as a problem for one of my nephews as we’ve observed him more.
Brent Rosenthal Premium Member almost 4 years ago
He gets an A+ in poetry
DanWolfie almost 4 years ago
Calvin may not be good at math, but he sure is good at poetry! It’s like he wrote it in advance before going to school that day!
mourdac Premium Member almost 4 years ago
I’ll keep this excuse in my back pocket for not doing chores around the house. Aliens sucked out all my motivation.
locake almost 4 years ago
I don’t usually like poetry, but this is great. Love it!
wschurchill almost 4 years ago
Didn’t work for me, Calvin. ☹️
yangeldf almost 4 years ago
heh, note that the math on the computer monitor is HILARIOUSLY wrong, so he couldn’t do the math even before the aliens stole his knowledge
S.Curtis almost 4 years ago
In high school English (50 yrs ago) when we had to write poems, how happy I would have been to write this one, instead of one with dragons and phlogiston.
BiggerNate91 almost 4 years ago
Simply telling Miss Wormwood about the “escapade” isn’t enough; no, he has to recite it in poem form.
delennwen almost 4 years ago
I adore Calvin’s poetry. It’s always hilarious and brilliant, and the artwork with this one makes it extra amazing. Thank you, Mr. Watterson!!
txmystic almost 4 years ago
But if you insist I answer
Lest my grades should take a dive,
I’ll just have to tell you plainly
That the answer’s forty-five…
felipenollaFFA almost 4 years ago
And that’s the reason teacher Wormwood has not
felipenollaFFA almost 4 years ago
retired, she loves science fiction stories..
MITZI almost 4 years ago
Bill Watterson! That is a terrific poem . . . it rhymes, it scans, it sparks joy!
kab2rb almost 4 years ago
What an imagination, if Calvin applied himself he be smarty kid.
SansMercy almost 4 years ago
Calvin is going to grow up to be a world-class writer one day.
HenryStryker almost 4 years ago
give him an A for poetry and creativity
Ka`ōnōhi`ula`okahōkūmiomio`ehiku Premium Member almost 4 years ago
If one must retort, then retort in rhyme.
Ermine Notyours almost 4 years ago
Calvin is no angel.
Spiffy almost 4 years ago
Calvin is lucky. Most aliens are interested in your other end.
Stephen Gilberg almost 4 years ago
I ripped off this poem in elementary school.
AndrewSihler almost 4 years ago
This is the only example known to me in English Literature of many rhyming with antennae
WilliamDoerfler almost 4 years ago
Never do.
BobtheBandGuy almost 4 years ago
Instead of Math, how ’bout an EnglishClass for our young friend?Perhaps some rhyming will aid timing,Sums, and dividend.
It seems a shame to waste his effortIn poetic verse.I have a feeling that Miss Wormwood’sResponse will be terse!
DCBakerEsq almost 4 years ago
Similar thing happened to me in law school. But it took three years.
einarbt almost 4 years ago
Well he has a future as an English teacher or write of SciFi.
DamionHurst over 3 years ago
I didn’t even realize it was rhyming until the last panel
mariodealpine over 3 years ago
This is breathtakingly good. (:-)
baraktorvan over 3 years ago
All the English majors who were terrible with Math will see themselves here.