Last Kiss by John Lustig for January 29, 2021

It’s not about how big you make it…it’s about how you make it big…

A man was so paranoid about the size of his p____ that he could never work up the courage to have sex. Then one day he fell in love with a nurse.

Then one evening, they went back to her place. She put on some soft music and led him into the bedroom. Totally mortified, he told her of his problem.

“Don’t worry”, she said. “I’m a nurse. I won’t laugh”.

Blushing the man drops his trousers.

“It’s OK”, she said. “I’ve seen lots smaller than that”.

“Really?” the relieved man asked.

She nodded. “Yes”, she chuckled, “I used to work in the maternity unit”.

I just bought a snowplow last week … just in time for the first winter storm of the season.

A few days later the guy who usually clears my snow happened to be passing through.

When he saw the plow I had purchased, he noticed it was was several sizes smaller than his monstrous snowplow.

Laughing he said: “You mean to say you pushed all this snow out of your driveway with that little bitty thing? No way!”

With a big smile, my response was: “It’s not the size of the plow; it’s how you push it.”

She always appreciated it whenever there was a lot of growth potential.

looks like she’s saying ‘missed it by that much’…

One day a girl assured her new boyfriend that size would not matter …

Then she turned around and asked him: “Does this dress make me look fat?”

He said “Well, now that you mention it, it does seem to be … … OUCH!"

Gruesome.

Pastures of plenty? The seed of a new tomorrow?

So many cliches so little time ! ( most definitely LOL long and hard, need I go on )

As long as it’s not a bumper crop of mushrooms.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcovHHOCtpQ

Just hit all the right buttons…..and there are so many to play with.

How big was it?

Redhead: You’ve heard of corn on the cob…well…replace the corn part with my name.

Not touching it!

“At first glance the tattoo said ‘Shorty’, but then, as we got to know one another, I learned that it really said ’Shorty’s Bar and Grill, Chattanooga Tennessee’.”

A crop usually refers to more than one ‘item’. We need pictures.

The female train conductor was unfazed when the male passenger stood up and flashed her. “Mister, I need to see your ticket, … not your stub.”

Size doesn’t matter, says the woman who hasn’t experienced the difference.

Is this the one which ends with Kevin McCarthy running down the road screaming “You’re next!”?

She said " Who do you think you’re gonna satisfy with that?" to which I nonchalantly replied “ME!”

…And, I must say size may matter, but how a man uses what he has really matters!

Great coefficient of expansion.

What it can´t reach, it can spit.

“I didn’t know your organ was so small”“Well I didn’t know I would be playing in such a large concert hall.”

I may not have the biggest equipment, but it does everything I need it to do.

I get nervous when women talk like this. “Smallest I’ve seen…?” How many have you seen?

“Bump ’er crop”?! Is that what they’re calling it these days? Kids!…

“Some of the longest cucumbers I’ve ever seen; my mother was jealous”…

A bumper crop? Best results are one at a time …

She had triplets.

As Adam once said..“Stand back Eve” I don’t know how big this gets."

One of Richard Pryor’s famous jokes:

Two men peeing off a bridge

Man #1: This water’s cold!

Man #2: Yeah, and it’s deep too!