Herman by Jim Unger for July 23, 2021

“I’m not an old bait. Not old”

In Mazo de la Roche’s JALNA novels, Gran Adeline’s parrot cussed in Hindi!

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, “Father, l have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired. “They only know how to say, ’Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?” “That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but l have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and l will put them in with my two male parrots who l taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to worship.” “Thank you!” the woman responded. So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. The priest’s two parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, “Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?” One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the bibles away. Our prayers have been answered!

Have these birds been watching me work on a car?

Parrots learn quickly when words are spoken with emphasis. There are a few short blue-toned incantations that fit the bill better than almost any other medium.

Dunno. But it’s probably not going to un-learn it.

Oh, fudge

You spend 10 years on the shoulder of a pirate and tell me that you’ll still speak the Queen’s English.

Parrots live what they learn…..

you mean ‘cracker’?

Cue the old joke where the parrot is put in the freezer as punishment for saying a curse word when he spots a frozen chicken and says: “What word did you say?!”

It was……….SHULTZ!

Small child playing with hammer box toy. Visitor is shocked at the words child screams every time he hits a peg. Mother explains that child’s father has been doing some home repairs.

“Watching Black Sails.”

From a big purple dragon…

From you lady!

I took care of a large Amazon parrot for some friends while they were on vacation. It was feather for feather one of the nastiest birds I have ever encountered, with a vocabulary that would make a sailor blush. The bird was psychotic!

I told my friends that and they agreed. They both were psychiatrists. The husband had obtained the bird from one of his more severely disturbed patients.

Conversely, I kept and cared for a wonderful African Grey parrot for a friend of mine while he was in Europe on sabbatical. This bird was super friendly, intelligent, and got along famously with my dogs and cats … although … he would tease them by imitating the sound of the electric can opener and imitate my wife calling them to dinner.

“Beats the shtt out of me. But I still want a fkkking cracker.”

From your kids. Now where do you suppose they got it.

A cute little book RADIO FIFTH GRADE involves some kids promising to teach a parrot to talk. Among the things they tried involved earphones and what turned out to be a french lesson recording.

In frustration, one announces, “This bird is a rip-off!”

You can guess what English phrase the parrot picked up.

https://www.amazon.com/Radio-Fifth-Grade-Gordon-Korman/dp/0590419277

Parrots and corvids are very good at learning and teaching themselves how to solve problems. There is a group of wild cocktails in Australia that taught themselves to open the lids on trash cans. But is also isolate to this small group and other are learning by watching.

Has your husband been using a hammer lately?

I am proud to say that my macaw says only acceptable things. But he never forgets anything. He has been scolding my dog “Rhona” for many years. She died at least ten years ago. I can’t get him to stop. Kinda sad, but she will always be remembered.