Loose Parts by Dave Blazek for August 14, 2021

’Course, this was back in the day when microwaves burned wood or coal.

Ours has a button marked “Beverage.” It’s fine for my instant coffee in the wintertime when the tap water is cold, but in the summertime, the coffee will scald my tongue if I use that setting. The one that says “soften” (meant for ice cream) will melt it into a puddle. It’s better to just use the timer.

Now try selling one to Yosemite Sam.

Does it also have buttons for “spearmint” and “peppermint”?

“Got no place to plug it in.”

It’s between the ones labeled “Roadkill” and “Armadillo”.

What if this here corn ain’t my pops?

if ya got more ’an one varmint ya need to hit passel first…

I have a microwave and my wife is continually pushing my buttons.

You can defrost them ham hocks.

Don’t forget to poke some holes in them or you’re gonna have a mess.

There’s even a “critter” setting!

The Blazing Saddles mod has has a beans setting.

Ok. But I sure hope I never have to use the ‘mangy pole-cat’ setting!

Still faster than a solar-powered woodstove!