The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn for August 25, 2021

Just clam up, would ya?

Uncultured pearls just happen. Cultured pearls happen when they drop sand in your shorts.

Say Bi valve and just stay home while she breaks out of her shell…

Not a problem…..as long as you don’t mind sleeping on that sofa!

I will personally never be cultured enough to enjoy opera.

Thanks! I always wondered about that.

They can settle their differences if they’re a bit less shellfish.

She would appear more cultured if she had a necklace.

Not a pearl of wisdom….

Don’t try to string him along!

There’s a rude joke about “uncultured pearl necklace” in here somewhere, but good taste forfends.

Is she wearing a pearl necklace?

“…and WHY must you wear our children around your neck…?”

looks like she’s wearing pearls before a swine…

It seems a little surprising that she would even want to be seen at the opera with him. Oh … sorry … she probably thinks that she can change him – that she can make him become cultured.

Watch it bub! I’ll have you on the half shell before you know it.

He will see his mistress tonight by the sea shore, Miss She-Sells.

He’s no good before his first cup of swine.

Yeah, Mikimoto. Sit back, open up a Kirin, and watch Japanese quiz shows.

I’d say that is very irritating.

Open up those pearly gates!

She should remember they both have gritty backgrounds.

Ah the proverbial husband about to “clam up” during an argument

She’s so small she’s just Mini-Pearl

Grow some mussels, wouldn’t you man?

sure, of course I am willing to spend my time and money so you can show off trying to impress people who actually don’t give a damn about it by doing something none of us enjoys (except museums maybe, and maybe a very few of the other things). By the way, aren’t uncultured pearls more expensive and hard to find?

What? Baseball is culture.

The philosophy question for the ages: what is the overlap between the pearls of wisdom and the cultured pearls? If they’re one and the same, pearl snobs throughout history have been right. But if, as I suspect, there are pearls in the rough, why then snobbery is hardly justified.

Much “culture” is just “pearls before swine”. :)

I don’t want to watch the game either. I just want to stay home.

It’s ironic that the cultured pearl grew up on the farm.

Just tell her to clam up.

If you think she’s a snob, you should meet the Mother of Pearl.

Feed him some yogurt and let him listen to Janis Joplin’s last album.