Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for November 24, 2021

Relative danger.

We just does the namaste with we bear hands. No touching business.

Time is relative, but whose relative is it?

But seriously, it’s easy to see that time is relative. When I was thirteen years old, the earth was four billion years old, and the universe was ten billion years old. Today I’ve aged by fifty years, the earth has aged five hundred million years, and the universe is four billion years older than it was when I was in school. So, obviously, the bigger things are, the faster time passes. I think I’ll try to lose some weight.

Better than dry, cracked, and scaly?

When I was job searching I practiced my handshake and smile. Now that we elbow bump and cover our faces with masks, all that training was in vain.

It’s relatively better than a wet kiss from Aunt Bertha.

I’ve always called Zappa uncle Frank.

And THIS is why I switched to fist bumping over 10 years ago. I never did like shaking hands…..for various reasons.

Is the unusual spelling of “Uncle Frank” pertinent to the joke? I’ve never seen it spelled that way; although there is a German surname pronounced similarly.

Crazy cat eyes! Mew.

What does the cat see?

That’s a weird way to spell Frank.

And then the cold front arrives.

Ah, my uncle the doctor! Dr. Franck N. Stein – I’d wash that hand if I were you.

Ew