That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for December 10, 2021

The baker was waiting for the butcher to show up with his keyboard and the candlestick maker with the drums.

§ Bram’s a baker of bread, bred and born,

who announces fresh wares with his horn.

There are pretzels and loaves

all still hot from the stoves,

and, for extra, he’ll shape cakes like porn.

Sam the baker, applying his ‘special sauce’ to the pretzels.

How is business Abraham? Shofar so good!

Michael, making a commercial for his bakery: “Come on down to Pretzel World. We tie, hang them, and serenade them. You will go craaaazy for our breads! TOOT!”

Franco worked for the mafia on the side, baking weapons into his breads so that they could be smuggled into prison. This was his first time making one with a Knight’s shield inside.

Elvis Pretzel getting ready to blow your mind—and his own!

§ In the breadbasket stands something odd.

Leaning onto the bakeshop’s façade.

If the baker seems sloppy,

that’s because he’s a copy,

newly grown from an alien pod.

§ Here’s the reason the baker is tootin’

on his horn; it’s to sell some Fig Newton.

Those who really like figs

will devour them like pigs.

(Also, if they’re a glutton for gluten!)

“Dude, you said you wanted to be paid a lot of bread for this gig, and now you’re acting like a crumb!”

Q: What do Margaret Bourke-White, Alfred Eisenstædt, and bread have in common?

A:. The Staff of LIFE.

When no one wanted day old pretzel

It seemed to become a bad sell

Before becoming forlorn

He pronounced to show his “horn”

Now he can afford a Ford Edsel

ol’ chet off on another toot…

The bakers first attempt to make a bread bass, to accompany his horn playing, came out a little short.

Another horrible piece for the weekend

Bob’s Place where the horn and the food all blow

Chet The Baker, brother of famous Ginger Baker the cake baker. (Cuz they look like drums, nuk, nuk)

Abe:”Ask me how’s business !” Sol: “How’s business?” Abe:”Don’t ask..”

Getting customer attention before the game-changing invention of the Advertising Inflatable Tube Man Blow Up Giant Waving Arm.

The baker was constantly torn..

indecision his cross to be borne !

Live for commerce – or Art ?

It tore him apart..

Yes – he loved to toot his own horn !

“So you can blow smoke rings. Big deal. Watch this!”

Baker Jack was not long for the free world, he kept claiming the pretzels were talking to him and it was off to the looney bin.

Maybe Chet’s calling a dentist.

“Welcome to Abe’s Bread Objects D’Art. That? I call it Bread Woman In Burka. You like?”

In today’s episode of Hel’s Kitchen, Giovanni Ramsey blows the loser horn at this contestant’s dumb idea: The Bread Sled.

Whatever became of soft pretzels? I can’t find one in my town. And they are so damn good.

Okay lunch is over people back to work!

“Just a little “toot” is all I need."

Giving up on his invention of the double-necked violin, Joris went back to his standby horn blowing.

The Dutch Baker: 

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Berckheyde_Der_B%C3%A4cker_1681.jpg 

(best viewed with Google Chrome, which can automatically translate most webpages if necessary) has info and links that point to more info about this painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image at 

http://thatispriceless.blogspot.com/2021/12/masterpiece-2841.html 

I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. First work by this artist used here.

In his later years, Captain Horatio Hornblower, quite understandably, stayed as far from the sea as possible.

He’d escaped the wrath of the storm/

His life back in balance

He’s applying his talents

To keeping the bagels warm..

He courageously served Britain’s Princes

Quite without either whimpers or winces !

He’s forgotten his past

And is happy at last

Surrounded by bagels and blintzes.

Before the ring toss at the carnival, there was the pretzel toss, but it never took off cause the prizes were lame.

Is that a giant winged maxi pad of bread?

The Pretzel Whisperer:

But for some odd reason, none of the studios were interested in the movie rights.

Esra in the bread eating contest, needed a funnel to compete. and he still lost, mouth not big enough.

I’m so sick of pretzels I could blow chunks

Nothing like blowing horny rolls in the moorrnnnin’!

Chet? I thought that was Mott the Whoopo.

“O.K….That wasn’t such a good idea to blow the horn aft- O geez!!!!!”

Ehhhh?? Speak up!