That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for December 13, 2021

That’s it? You’re going to abandon me and take my bedsheet with you?

“And this is how I stabbed the Minotaur as the vile brute charged me!” “Oh, Theseus. You are so virile!”

Back off, lady, or I’ll cut you. It’s my ball of string now.

“I swear you’ll love the bar we’re going to. They let you wear anything.”

/// Because Athens had suffered defeat,

they were forced to send off their elite—

seven lads, seven maids,

(a fate no one evades)—

to King Minos’ maze down in Crete.

/// This time Theseus took on the chore

to be one of those pris’ners of war.

Ariadne then saw

this young man (in the raw),

who’d be slain by the fierce Minotaur.

/// They both stood at the labyrinth’s door.

Ariadne reached out to implore,

“My bull-headed half-brother

(we both share the same mother)

is within and your body he’ll gore!”

/// She fell hard for this lad, brave and strong.

If she saved him, would that be so wrong?

A sharp sword to attack;

ball of twine to get back.

But would Theseus string her along?

the loving cup on his head distracted from the lack of covering on his tail!

At toga parties Skip always ended up wearing the team trophy on his head. Girls loved it. Or so he thought.

Theseus might not have thought through his plan of wearing a billowing red cape to fight a bull-man.

Ariadne: “No, you idiot! You needed that ball of string to find your way out of the maze. Why did you cut it in half?”

Theseus: “You mean this isn’t the Gordian Knot?”

That labyrinth’s no place to tread !

“Go ahead, if you dare -

But a monster’s in there:

he’s a man, but he’s got a bull’s head !

So at least take this shiny thread ! ”

she pleaded (or possibly pled)

“Cause it’s tricky and dark -

without some kind of spark

you are certain to be misled !”

So he took Ariadne’s advice

and he skewered the beast in a trice

and he found his way back

on the shiny thread track

that she gave him ! Hey, wasn’t she nice?

He marooned Ariadne on Naxos

(Without even a clean pair of slacks: gross !)

Turns out, that’s how sleazy is

that fake hero, Theseus.

(Why, the bum even cheats on his “taxos” !)

And those are the terrible facts, Bro’s !

“Bring me back some Rocky Mountain Oysters.”

toga! toga! toga! toga!

Let’s try this again. When you go into battle you need your helmet, your sword and what else?

DON’T LOOK, ETHEL!

Being hard of hearing he eagerly signed up for the “mini tour”.

A long time ago one of our neighbours was the owner of a company that would round up the unclaimed luggage from the three Bay Area jetports and then deliver the bags. I learned from him to always pack a carry on with two to three days of clothing, essentially underwear and socks and maybe a shirt or two, and essentials, toothbrush and grooming supplies and stuff. And to always make sure your luggage tags were up to date with the information of where you were next going. He also recommended placing a large tag, basically an 8 1/2 × 11 (A size), piece of paper with the info for your first destination and to have enough paper and tags to change them out when you are returning home. I have never had my luggage lost, but one of the girls had a bag take a few days to get to her when they went back to university this last term.

Great Moments in Symbolic Phallic Painting #389

Ariadne: Yeah, I don’t think the Minotaur has a sense of humor, especially not one that appreciates prop humor. I mean – we haven’t seen Carrot Top since he went in there a few year ago…

“Here, let me show ya my big ball(s)…”

“No, really, keep the tablecloth. Please. I insist.”

What do you call a reference to the Eye of Sauron?

An optical allusion.

Where did Sauron go to take his driver’s test?

The Department of Mordor Vehicles

Sauron is a great name

It has a nice ring to it

Oh, I was kidding when I said I am a slow stripper…can’t you take a joke!

“You wouldn’t need a helmet and goggles if you’d just use a regular knife to slice that onion…”

No, listen, when I told you you didn’t have the balls to go and fight him, that isn’t what I meant!

This reminds me of a Henny Youngman joke:

I told the airline clerk “Send one of my bags to New York, one to L.A. and one to Miami.”

She replied, “I’m sorry sir, but we can’t do that!”

I said “Why not, you did it last week!”

I’m taking my ball back & I’m not playing with you any more, so there!

Ariadne and Theseus: 

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jean_Baptiste_Regnault_-_Ariadne_and_Theseus.jpg 

has info and links that point to more info about this roughly jumbo envelope size, oil on panel painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image at 

http://thatispriceless.blogspot.com/2021/12/masterpiece-2842.html 

I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. So far 4 works, by this artist, have been used here. 

https://www.gocomics.com/that-is-priceless/2017/11/27?comments=visible 

has the prior (the here links in my blog entry comment point to the artist info URL in my comment there, plus 5 more).

Ariadne, in Greek mythology, daughter of Pasiphae and the Cretan king Minos. She fell in love with the Athenian hero Theseus and, with a thread or glittering jewels, helped him escape the Labyrinth after he slew the Minotaur, a beast half bull and half man that Minos kept in the Labyrinth.

Nice hat. :)

Niome tugging at cloth, you can keep the sheet just give me the big diamond.

When the Minotaur was a calf

He made all the other kids laugh

But as he grew older

He built up his shoulders

(It’s a shame we have no photograph !)

His genetics still caused him much grief

(Though he had a legitimate “beef”)..

For a date With a bull

Is incredibly dull -

From his bull crap there is no relief.

In order that peace be insured

In the labyrinth he was immured

At the public’s insistence.

A wretched existence -

One wonders just how he endured..

When Theseus entered the scene

The Minotaur may just have been

So infernally bored

That he welcomed the sword..

Telling Theseus “just make it clean !”

Of multifarious war-skills assorted / Striding nude was not the most sordid. / I suppose, in a way / It was good, for they say / That the chicks didn’t care what his sword did.

Once had occasion to e-mail a colleague in Chicago whose assigned address was Pasiphae@[domain name]. I commented, “I know you Chicagoans love them Bulls, but …”

Hold on, Ariadne, the Minotaur will have to wait. This ball you just handed me … I think I have a theory that can explain quantum gravity.