I was pleased to see several folks follow my lead on Tom Swifties the other night. Tonight I’m following Silver’s lead into golf – or maybe helping him rediscover it — with the following duffer’s story…
Two men found themselves paired on a golf course. The first man opened a can of balls, took one out, placed it on the tee, and proceeded to clobber it hopelessly into the rough. Undaunted, he took out another brand-new ball, and achieved the same result.
His partner commented, “The way you’re golfing today, you should use an old ball.”
A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang.
It was a doctor in the hospital emergency room notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident, and was in critical condition in the ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was, and that he’d be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized that he was cutting short what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf ever, so he decided to rush in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital.
He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.
Suddenly, he remembered his poor wife. Massive guilt struck him, so he rushed to the hospital.
When he finally arrived, he rushed up to the doctor, who was standing impatiently in the corridor, and asked about his wife’s condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted, “You heartless bastard, you went ahead and finished your round didn’t you?”
Sheepishly, the man confessed that he had.
“Well, I hope you’re proud of yourself mister, because while you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU and fighting for her life!
The doctor paused, “Well, I guess that it’s just as well that you went ahead and finished your round, because more than likely it will be the last one you’ll ever play.”
“Why?” the man asked, with tears of remorse streaming down his face.
Take care, may ignored rubber chicken tosser Todd “I Don’t Get Paid But I Get Four Meals A Week In The Studio Commissary” Blanchord be with you, and gesundheit.
A Scotsman was getting ready to play and asked his caddy if he was any good at finding balls. The caddie replied, yessir, I’m the best there ever was and ever will be. The Scotsman said great, now go find a ball and we’ll get started.
Even though I haven’t shared a joke I thought I would toss one in. A group of 4 (not always) played a round every Sunday. All but one occasionally missed a round. He was asked how he was able to make it every time. He said he woke up and would throw the covers off and ask his wife “Golf course or intercourse?”
If you read my reply to Tuco’s golf rules, you will understand why I have very little to contribute to the recent rash of golfing jokes. However, I have recently been reviewing the humor of our late President Ronald Reagan and appreciating once again some of the stories he was always telling. I become somewhat nostalgic regarding Mr. Reagan. Imagine, if you will, the leader of the greatest National Power in the world being a man of good humor, self-deprecating, comfortable in his own skin, optimistic, strong in his philosophy and beliefs, as well as a person that truly loved his country and its true potential. Ah; I become misty!
My mother (a Democrat all her life) went to school with Reagan (so she claimed) and expressed how much she hated him then and always. I don’t wish to digress at this point but be advised my mother’s story could take up an entire comments’ entry!
In any case; Mr. Reagan’s story: A man driving down a country road doing about 45 mph suddenly noticed a chicken coming along side running and keeping pace with his car! The man was taken aback but decided to speed up to 60 mph! Astonishingly he noted the chicken speed up once again keeping pace! As he looked again at the chicken, he thought he saw the bird had three legs! Before he could look again, the chicken sped up to pass up ahead of him and turned into a lane off the road. The man quickly corrected and turned into the lane to follow. The chicken disappeared but there was a man standing beside the road. The driver pulled up and asked the man if he had seen a chicken come this way.
“Yes!” he said, “One did!” The driver hesitated then said, “Did you notice? Did that chicken have three legs?” “Yes,” the farmer said, “It’s one of mine! I raise three legged chickens!” “That’s amazing! But why three legs?”
Geek joke: The blue barrel is a distant relative of the one that injured Worf, and it’s decided to try to find someone on Earth to take it to wherever Worf is now, seeking revenge for its family.
It isn’t that unusual to find something that had crossed an ocean washed ashore. It was more common after the 2011 Tōhoku earthquake and tsunami.
In 1992, a shipping container went overboard. It contained 28,000 bath toys. Over the years, some of them washed up on beaches all around the world. There is a book about it, Moby Duck.
Due to the direction of the gulf stream, an object entering the Atlantic Ocean on the east coast has more that a 90% probability that it will end up in Ireland, or possibly the UK if it gets around Ireland. Not so unbelievable.
A rabbi, a clown, a truck driver and a priest were about to tee off on the first hole. The truck driver said, “Hey guys, I heard a funny joke…” but he was interrupted by a bystander who said, “Hey we’re playing golf, on a golf course – you can only comment about golf!”
So they strapped him to his bag of clubs and tossed him into a water hazard.
this comic is all about shiny pokemon encounters, the barrel pokemon not normally found in this region but available for a one day event, a Tauros that learned to use surf, a different colored Crawdaunt and Furret…real life pokemon bros…
I live in Colorado, and I remember reading about the black-footed ferret found in Pueblo West. I just read another article, and found out that the ferret was one of 9 released into the wild. It had been microchipped, so its identity was confirmed. It was released back into the wild again.
eromlig almost 3 years ago
I was pleased to see several folks follow my lead on Tom Swifties the other night. Tonight I’m following Silver’s lead into golf – or maybe helping him rediscover it — with the following duffer’s story…
Two men found themselves paired on a golf course. The first man opened a can of balls, took one out, placed it on the tee, and proceeded to clobber it hopelessly into the rough. Undaunted, he took out another brand-new ball, and achieved the same result.
His partner commented, “The way you’re golfing today, you should use an old ball.”
The first man replied, “I never had an old ball!”
Templo S.U.D. almost 3 years ago
So what did McGreal do with the barrel? Use it as his own rain catcher under a water spout of his house?
dlasher almost 3 years ago
Bill Coppersmith named the female lobster “Haddie”, after his granddaughter. Photos:
https://allthatsinteresting.com/cotton-candy-lobster
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 3 years ago
Very long golf joke in 2 parts.
A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang.
It was a doctor in the hospital emergency room notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident, and was in critical condition in the ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was, and that he’d be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized that he was cutting short what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf ever, so he decided to rush in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital.
He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.
Suddenly, he remembered his poor wife. Massive guilt struck him, so he rushed to the hospital.
When he finally arrived, he rushed up to the doctor, who was standing impatiently in the corridor, and asked about his wife’s condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted, “You heartless bastard, you went ahead and finished your round didn’t you?”
Sheepishly, the man confessed that he had.
“Well, I hope you’re proud of yourself mister, because while you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU and fighting for her life!
The doctor paused, “Well, I guess that it’s just as well that you went ahead and finished your round, because more than likely it will be the last one you’ll ever play.”
“Why?” the man asked, with tears of remorse streaming down his face.
Continued below.
Huckleberry Hiroshima almost 3 years ago
Movie on Svengoolie next week: “LOBSTERMAN!”
Take care, may ignored rubber chicken tosser Todd “I Don’t Get Paid But I Get Four Meals A Week In The Studio Commissary” Blanchord be with you, and gesundheit.
dwindy54 almost 3 years ago
A Scotsman was getting ready to play and asked his caddy if he was any good at finding balls. The caddie replied, yessir, I’m the best there ever was and ever will be. The Scotsman said great, now go find a ball and we’ll get started.
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 3 years ago
Since I can apparently not handle a long golf joke, I will try to atone with a short one.
A man got on a bus, with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.
The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, “Its golf balls.”
The blond looked at him compassionately and said, “Oh you poor thing. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?”
Until next time.
Wirepuncher almost 3 years ago
Even though I haven’t shared a joke I thought I would toss one in. A group of 4 (not always) played a round every Sunday. All but one occasionally missed a round. He was asked how he was able to make it every time. He said he woke up and would throw the covers off and ask his wife “Golf course or intercourse?”
NoNameOntheBullet Premium Member almost 3 years ago
If you read my reply to Tuco’s golf rules, you will understand why I have very little to contribute to the recent rash of golfing jokes. However, I have recently been reviewing the humor of our late President Ronald Reagan and appreciating once again some of the stories he was always telling. I become somewhat nostalgic regarding Mr. Reagan. Imagine, if you will, the leader of the greatest National Power in the world being a man of good humor, self-deprecating, comfortable in his own skin, optimistic, strong in his philosophy and beliefs, as well as a person that truly loved his country and its true potential. Ah; I become misty!
My mother (a Democrat all her life) went to school with Reagan (so she claimed) and expressed how much she hated him then and always. I don’t wish to digress at this point but be advised my mother’s story could take up an entire comments’ entry!
In any case; Mr. Reagan’s story: A man driving down a country road doing about 45 mph suddenly noticed a chicken coming along side running and keeping pace with his car! The man was taken aback but decided to speed up to 60 mph! Astonishingly he noted the chicken speed up once again keeping pace! As he looked again at the chicken, he thought he saw the bird had three legs! Before he could look again, the chicken sped up to pass up ahead of him and turned into a lane off the road. The man quickly corrected and turned into the lane to follow. The chicken disappeared but there was a man standing beside the road. The driver pulled up and asked the man if he had seen a chicken come this way.
“Yes!” he said, “One did!” The driver hesitated then said, “Did you notice? Did that chicken have three legs?” “Yes,” the farmer said, “It’s one of mine! I raise three legged chickens!” “That’s amazing! But why three legs?”
mindjob almost 3 years ago
I wonder if cotton candy lobsters go well with cotton candy vodka
moondog42 Premium Member almost 3 years ago
Geek joke: The blue barrel is a distant relative of the one that injured Worf, and it’s decided to try to find someone on Earth to take it to wherever Worf is now, seeking revenge for its family.
Jogger2 almost 3 years ago
It isn’t that unusual to find something that had crossed an ocean washed ashore. It was more common after the 2011 Tōhoku earthquake and tsunami.
In 1992, a shipping container went overboard. It contained 28,000 bath toys. Over the years, some of them washed up on beaches all around the world. There is a book about it, Moby Duck.
dv1093 almost 3 years ago
Due to the direction of the gulf stream, an object entering the Atlantic Ocean on the east coast has more that a 90% probability that it will end up in Ireland, or possibly the UK if it gets around Ireland. Not so unbelievable.
gozar almost 3 years ago
Since we’re doing golf jokes, I’ll try one.
A rabbi, a clown, a truck driver and a priest were about to tee off on the first hole. The truck driver said, “Hey guys, I heard a funny joke…” but he was interrupted by a bystander who said, “Hey we’re playing golf, on a golf course – you can only comment about golf!”
So they strapped him to his bag of clubs and tossed him into a water hazard.
That’s the joke.
Stephen Gilberg almost 3 years ago
Gee, I think of cotton candy as pink.
yangeldf almost 3 years ago
this comic is all about shiny pokemon encounters, the barrel pokemon not normally found in this region but available for a one day event, a Tauros that learned to use surf, a different colored Crawdaunt and Furret…real life pokemon bros…
ex window inspector almost 3 years ago
The barrel one isn’t really all that unusual
JonSchuck almost 3 years ago
I wonder how that lobster tasted? Like cotton candy maybe?
finnygirl Premium Member almost 3 years ago
I live in Colorado, and I remember reading about the black-footed ferret found in Pueblo West. I just read another article, and found out that the ferret was one of 9 released into the wild. It had been microchipped, so its identity was confirmed. It was released back into the wild again.