Pickles by Brian Crane for March 25, 2022

Payback

Might as well say before someone else does…You have friends, Opal?

you’ll be quiet, Earl, but how to make yourself not seen?

Throw a sheet over him.

Her mistake is saying that she has “friends coming over.” Now, if she said, “My sister is on her way over…” Earl would be off the floor and gone in a heartbeat!

Tell them he’s the new coffee table. And they can put their feet up if they want.

When I fell and coldn’t get up, my wife called the paramedics.

Earl would make a good rug. Just take him outside and beat the dirt out of him once in a while.

If I can roll onto my stomach I can get up, but rolling over is getting harder.

If I lay on the floor the dog comes up and licks my face. And it has bad breath.

You can always use him as an original serving board, as they used to do in some sushi restaurants.

When I worked at the papermill, on occasion I’d get a sore lower back loading cords on the charging floor. The bed wasn’t kind but laying on my back on the floor and I was back and ready to rumble practically overnight.

He’s another iteration of the art form knows as living doormat, as in used for.

This once happened in an episode of Mama’s family.

Leave him there and call him Lumpy!

Earl get rid of the spare tire and your back will like you again !

Just explain to them that he is a performance artist.

Always call the paramedics before you lay on the floor : )

Falling is a fear…..slow down…..

Problem solved.

…..but will THEY be quiet.????

Flip the couch so it will be a kneeling bench and tell your friends he is practicing for his wake.

Straight out of Mamas’ Family.

His back feels fine now, but he could mess it up again by getting up. They make the floor further away as time goes by. Getting old is not easy.

It is relaxing putting your feet up on something soft.

Earls a dirty old man hoping for a peak up a skirt.

I have ridden in an ambulance three times. Once for sepsis, once for a concussion and once for a twisted bowel. That was enough!

Put a couple of your doilies on him. Your friends will think he’s a piece of furniture.

I remember a Thanksgiving like this. All of the uncles napping on the floor while the aunts were on the couches chattering away.

Foot rest

Just put a table cloth over him!

“Oh no Earl, that’s not good. I’ll cancel my friends visit and nurse you as a good loving wife or husband should”

Most of the women coming over probably are married or were – they will know exactly what is going on and spend their time offering advice until Earl crawls into another room.

Every living room needs a conversation piece.

Earl is once again perfect for the job at hand!!

I got knocked down by a playful Saint Bernard. Broke a rib and a wrist. Ouch

I’m sure Opal’s friends will note the lumpy carpet but otherwise pay it no mind.

I’ve found that the pavement of the parking pad out front is warm enough to be quite therapeutic, when I lie down on it for a few minutes in the afternoon. I can hear my vertebrae clicking and popping back into position. MUCH cheaper than a chiropractor. My cat thinks I’m crazy and watches me while reclining in the shade under my car.

Perhaps they can help.

My mom in law called the local fire dept when she fell down and couldn’t get up. Handsome young men came in the fire dept. uniform and helped her up. She didn’t stop talking about that for days. Ha ha

roll over onto your stomach and crawl to the bedroom.