Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for August 05, 2022

They’ll clean themselves up as they always do.

It’s a gnome fact.

New York City.…?

Get a rope..,

Leave them as a warning to the other garden gnomes.

Plenty of bleach.

The postal carrier in that address has been addressed.

Those gnomes can be very territorial. A fracas was bound to break out, this one bloodier and brain matterier than in past fracases.

It’s a common problem these days.

Gnope, they don’t need cleaning. Gnomes live off all the ick.

Spatter?

The Eve Of Destruction

Do what Marsellus did and call in The Wolf.

For garden gnomes, we recommend a mild detergent, such as dish soap, and a soft scrub brush. Brush lightly at intervals, and allow any matter adhering to soften for removal. If you have a large enough container, you can soak your gnomes for a short time before brushing. Be aware that paint flaking may occur if the brushing is too vigorous, or the brush too stiff. Good luck with your gnomes and your brain matter. See our excellent article on dealing with the sort of slugs that are attracted to brain matter. And click > HERE < for five weird tricks for cleaning brain splatter!

The dog caught another scent and headed back up the path. I followed the dog. There was something rotten in Froglandia. I was going to find it, and possibly poke it with a stick. A short while later, I was entering a walled estate through its garden gate, which did not actually have a gate attached. It seemed abandoned. Weeds were everywhere. The garden gnomes were unkempt and in need of cleaning. Several of them seemed to be covered in what may only be described as blood and brain splatter. This was starting to look like a dangerous mission, and definitely too dangerous for somebody only recently turned eight years old. Good thing that sort of thinking was something in which I never indulged. The thought I did have, was how does this scene relate to the footprints INSIDE the Bath Mat Factory? I was having trouble connecting the dots, which is something I’m usually able to do easily. Of course, those dots are usually numbered. These weren’t.

Simple solution! Go to the Froglandia Bathmat factory and purchase a garden hose…. blast them with a hard spray…..the critters won’t even gnome the difference!

Discounts on pressure washers are common and make cleanup quick, easy, and affordable. Electric washers are simple, lightweight, and more than adequate for most household applications.

…

…freakin’ groundhogs…

…Clair couldn’t stand them…

…and she could pick them off at four hundred yards…

…forty was easy…

…three Groundhogs later the splatter was everywhere…

…thank goodness for Bathmat All Purpose Kleaner…

…that foam’s so good – the gnomes all good…

…two for one this week only at Acmes everywhere…

…except in Blackhorse…

…coupons not accepted due to the passage of Right to Work laws…

https://www.tiktok.com/@camillaseverin/video/6761978452762578182

It’s amazing how much closer they can get when you just blink.

Garden hose.

Gnome Splattered Gnome …!

Da Blog: first I’ve heard of Click Farms … wonder if some are run by IT Gnomes ….

They won over the plastic flamingos.

There are better ways to keep Jehovah’s Witnesses away, you know…

Hose. Cold water is best for blood. Enzyme spray as required.

Awww, what’s the matter? Brain splatter got you down? Don’t worry, and turn that frown around. All new recruits go through this stage. It can be a daunting task, cleaning up after Vlad. If you feel this way again and need a good laugh, call me up and I’ll laugh at you.

Hose them down and hope neither the neighbors nor the cops have already noticed….

Was it fun?

We also have discounts on wood chippers. We recommend renting both, to avoid charges for returning a stained chipper.