Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for December 13, 2022

“I’m hysterical… and I’m wet!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgJBvEMOpWQ

Eyelashes grow back?

This conversation plays out thousands of times per day all over this country.

Spazie, Splashy, Waxy,

Shampoo my hair.

Hair Beautiful Hair

Thank Gersh I love you…

…be careful…

…she looks like a whistle blower to me…

… she was mansplaining to him…

…or…

…to her…

…after all…

…this is 2022…

…it could be two moms…

…whichever the case…you can tell they love and trust each other…

…because they’re wearing safety vests…

I see this as flipping the historical narrative of women being treated as out of control, hysterical, and less than because of it. The character on the left is a man.

I’m currently knitting a baby blanket for a grandchild due in January. It’s helping to calm my vapors.

I’m more concerned about the mites that are probably living in my eyebrows. Maybe I should shave my eyebrows off?

I channel all of my hysteria into aggression. The best way to not feel helpless in a situation that is beyond your control is to control the situation and dominate completely! Some people believe that this makes everything worse, but they are just being hysterical because I rule, and they are not me.

That’s it! The name for your new art movement: The Vapors.

CALGON….TAKE HIM AWAY! FAR far awaaaaaay!

Oh, honey, maybe we better back off your treatments for a few days…At least you’re not toxically masculine any more.

Mr. Bubbles to calm the troubles in my Wild Turkey Shot, that’s a double…

Hysteria and hysterectomy have the same root word.

I’m wondering what pronouns these two prefer ….

Oops .. a belated “Happy Teresa Day” yesterday to T …!

I never get tired of Teresa’s hip collage-y style, stealing bits and pieces from parts unknown and mashing them together into a lamé potpourri pizza. This installment will be easily recognizable by any Bath Mat employee as this placard can be seen in various locations around the facility and is immediately identifiable by the bath mat cast-offs safety vests worn by all employees.

I have seen this one used in the new employee orientation seminar. The young lady is demonstrating the proper karate chop technique on a fellow employee who is getting a bit too grabby.

It is also seen on the last page of the Christ-thats-Lame-mas Pageant program, demonstrating the proper amount of necessary space between two dancing partners at the upcoming Bath Mat Factory holiday party. Any decorum guffaws and party fowls will be strictly policed by Vlad, of course.

Where in the factory have you seen this placard used?

Made up of largely but not entirely the same scissors-and-paste construction paper elements, Mister and Miss play at rôle-reversal for us, their audience. They are, of course, at the whim of the show’s director. That would be someone with an eyelash addiction.

Do you struggle with Eyelash Addiction? Half of all teens at some point flutter their eyelashes at their image in a mirror. Mirrors are enablers, and should be viewed with caution.

CAUTION. (Free. Help yourself.)