That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for December 14, 2022

Hey, Mortimer, you should have somebody look at those varicose veins.

Not only was Jack Broughton the bare knuckle champion of England, he also patented an all-liquid diet.

The quality of portraits is going down. Yesterday we had a pin head, today we get a meathead

Whatever you do, don’t point out his tiny head.

/// Big Jack Broughton, the boxer, insists

he will fight any man with bare fists.

But the rumor persists

that his love life consists

of bald bare-chested boys with limp wrists.

On a serious note, that’s a god-awful fighting stance. Most of his weight is on his front leg, meaning he can’t advance quickly. And his stance is too narrow, making him less stable. And his back leg is rotated, meaning he can’t twist into his punch to add power.

There once was a boxer named Jack/

who was famed for his fearsome attack/

The man was a pistol/

But his jaw was of crystal/

and he ended most fights on his back,,///

His physique was absurdly immense/

But poor Jackie was painfully dense/

You can tell from his ear/

(As depicted right here)/

That he just couldn’t master defense.///

Jack weighed a good two hundred pounds:/

The artist has excellent grounds/

For recording the giant/

Who was gamely compliant../

And who never stayed up for five rounds.

Despite despite his phenomenal frame/

Fisticuffs was not Jackie’s game/

But mayhap some mishap’ll/

Impel him to grapple/

and wrestling will win him world fame.

/// He’d used brains, guile and cunning to show

those alone would not vanquish his foe.

The difficult truth for

our villain, Lex Luthor:

To beat Superman, box toe-to-toe.

/// He had had to bulk up a lot first;

swilling steroids until he could burst.

In each fist, for the fight,

he clutched pure kryptonite.

(Lex is best when he’s doing his worst.)

Floyd thought Boxing Day was something completely different!

Jack Broughton IBHOF Google link:

http://www.ibhof.com/pages/about/inductees/pioneer/broughton.html

Free-for-all fisticuffs are now symbolically limited to political arenas.

This guy looks like he’s had his ear boxed.

Getting in shape for the annual cow milking contest

His head is too small for his muscular body…perhaps he didn’t exercise his brain daily…

Like two nerds who always pick Spock. (rock, paper, scissors, Spock, lizard)

Big (dumb) John’s night always ended with him alone, every time a date asked him if they could take their tops off he thought she wanted to box.

He’s not wearing a tie.

“Put ’em up, put ’em up.” Bert Lahr out of costume

Nothin’ could be finer / than to give a bloke a shiner / in the mor-or-ning!

No, go on. Tell him his “invisible weights” exercise plan is stupid.

Auditioning for the role of the Cowardly Lion: “Put ’em up! Put ’em up!!!”

A two fisted drinker on his way to a tavern.

Sagat, in his final training session before entering the Street Fighter tournament

“Wait! We’re having a fist fight. You only have to strip to the waist. Stop, darn it!…Okay, I concede.”

“Jack Broughton, the Boxer,” 1767

“You should’ve seen me, I was great.”

Jack Broughton, the Boxer: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"Category:John Hamilton Mortimer" site=commons.wikimedia.org 

(syntax supported by the Google, Bing, Yahoo, DuckDuckGo, Ecosia, and Yandex search engines) in the browser address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and choose the first Category: found, and once there find the text string 5,097, and click its link for info and links that point to more info about this roughly jumbo envelope size painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #3044 (December 14, 2022) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger if you trim what’s after .png from the URL). I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to info about this artist I used to point to here. First work by this artist used here.

Let’s hope he never breeds.

Mr. Clean squares off against Formula 409.

big muscles little head, hope it’s not that way down below.

Michael Chiklis as The Thing in The Fantastic Four

In this year’s Cheyenne Old Fashioned Melodrama, the curtain rose on one scene to reveal the hero playing RPS with himself – but always losing (the heroes in these do tend to be written as dolts).

Now I have an earworm of Simon and Garfunkel singing, “In the clearing stands a boxer and a fighter by his trade”…and then a million of the :lie-la-lie"s.