Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 31, 2022

The 2A at work.

You don’t often meet a trainer of his caliber.

(rimshot)

that is poor triggermanagement Fred, you want to be. threat, not to be and actual effect’

Pig has hired a cattle prod guy to improve his jogging.

Maybe that would work for me.

My resolution is to make no resolutions.

ive been re-reading a few more recent pearls comics and i’ve noticed that zebra barely seems to appear in any new comics at all. is there a reason for that???

I’m like about 97% of people, I bought equipment and never used it. I have to go to a gym

I simply changed the name I call my toilet from “John” to “Jim”.

Now I go to the Jim every day.

Sometimes twice.

No need for that. Back ache will make you do things you’d never imagined when you were young.

Do ya feel lucky, punk? I mean pig

I think Fred secretly wants to actually aim that gun, so he can get some free pork chops.

We need comics gun control. Legislation is on its way.

I doubt Pig will reform….RAT will discourage him, to be sure‼️

HAPPY NEW YEAR‼️

Hopefully it’s a prop gun

Nothing funny about gun violence.

Oh shoot! I missed the punch line!

Pig’s shorts seem to be drooping from 1 to 2 to 3.

Mr Bigshot, you’re never gonna get my love…

Groan…………

Pearls turns 21 today. Rat is finally a legal drinking age.

Even Fred and his gun would not be enough for me. I’ve always considered exercise only slightly less reprehensible than murdering your mother and eating her brains with a spoon.

Funny, Funny, Funny … I still rely on the tested and true falling brick wall myself.

We need leaner bacon

38 caliber it was…

Shades of “Fight Club” scene with convenience store clerk who wants to be a veterinarian.

For Pigs sake, hope Fred doesn’t have an itchy trigger finger.

The only “gun” I need at my head is my large gut and increasingly-large “guns” on my arms!

How gauche, red on pink.

I want one of those.

After the workout, Pig tells Fred, Just shoot me!

Groan

“I needed a drink, I needed a vacation, I needed a lot of bacon. What I had was a coat, a hat, and a gun. I put them on and… " (with apologies to Raymond Chandler).

Now the question is when will Fred drop the resolution.

Yo, Fred, you got any bookings left open?

That might work for me. But it’s more likely that I’d tell Fred to just go ahead and shoot me.

Adapted from the Stephen King method for quitting smoking.

Just as goat didn’t see Fred because he wasn’t in the panel, if you watch action TV shows and movies, you’ll catch times when somebody gets surprised, punched, etc., for no other reason than they couldn’t see it coming from outside the picture frame. — Thanks to my older brother, Bill, for pointing that out; I’ve gotten a kick out of it many times since.

Some pigs are more literal-minded than others, too, Pig….

“Right said Fred”

You’ve- triggered- quite a response

I just need someone to drag me kicking and screaming.