Last Kiss by John Lustig for February 01, 2023

Will need your real body count first

The real reason many get married. Sorry, the myth of “the one” is just that.. a myth.

Let’s just say, with my bank account I can treat you quite well. Do you prefer Burger King or McDonalds?

“It worries me you behave so cryptically about your finances.”

The wife got it in the divorce.

The amount in my bank account has few zeros in it. Mostly at the beginning.

On shore or off shore?

She got the Gold Mine , I got the Shaft !

“In for a penny, in for a Pound” (We’ll move to London and off-shore all the accounts).

Let me sleep on it….I’ll give you an answer in the morning.

I used to work in a hardware store in a well to do area. We would get middle age ladies coming into the store asking for help with simple items. They got the house in the divorce but didn’t know how to do anything. They were finding out that a handyman will charge $100 just to show up. So, “Yes, I can show you how to change a toilet flapper.”

Well she sure isn’t shy about what’s she’s after…OY!

“NO – NOT YOUR PASSBOOK ACCOUNT! THE SWISS AND CAYMAN ISLAND ACCOUNTS, YA DOLT!”

And what’s your blood type? You have two healthy kidneys, right?

It looks like a Binary number, mostly zeros.

And oh, what is that bulge there?

Well first off, it’s in my mother’s name…

“Onshore or offshore?”

“Never mind, just give me the account information. I have a spending spree in mind.”

And depending on the number, ending with your bank account. Unless you have a large portfoliio of investments.

Getting a Lois Lane vibe here.

I think I’m going to steal that come-one :-D

Totally ripped this one off from some comic somewhere:

My wife complained/whined: “We never go out anymore. I want you to take me out. I don’t care where, as long as its expensive”….So, i took her to the airport for a sandwich. (ta-da-dump!)

A friend from high school was telling us how she landed her husband. She was a loan officer in the bank, and in walks this nice looking man applying for a home loan. He asked her out, and in her words, “After looking over his divorce decree, loan application, and credit report, I said yes.” AFAIK they are still together.