That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for January 24, 2023

“I can do the engraving job you want, but I get 50% — and I DON’T know you if you get caught!”

/// The engraver, Jan Philips, is bitter.

Thought he’d know real gold coins by their glitter.

Jan was paid in fake Guilders

by some printing press builders

to be their paper cash counterfeiter.

“That Henry Fielding guy next door thinks he’s such a great author.”

“the best part of telecommuting is staying in my pajamas all day!”

Showing off the new fashion trend, the man’s kimono.

I’m a make you an offer you can’t refuse.

Don’t scratch that etch in here, the bathroom’s down the hall.

Jan Casper Philips laments: “I appear as a rather boring person, and certainly my wife thinks so. ‘Jan,’ she says, ‘You are not the man I married, joyful and free. Now you sit by the window all day in one of my dressing gowns, hair greasy and lank, engraving, engraving, engraving … always engraving!’ It is true, I am as one possessed …

“Oh, if only I could reveal my secret! I love my wife, my children; and until a year ago, my job. But then one evening as I walked by the river, I was captured by wizard Chinamen (at least I thought them Chinamen) in a flying tureen… “

And so Jan Casper told the whole fascinating “travelers tale” as the artist painted.

He’s an Dutchman, both root and branch/

Though there may be some “circumstanch”/

Under which ( it’s been said)/

He may wear spurs to bed/

But he’s never been near a ranch !///

He isn’t exactly a fop/

But he does keep a riding crop/

’Neath this elegant robe/

Which he uses to probe/

Young persons, upon his desk top.///

He tries to lead women astray/

By means of a shabby toupee/

Which he thinks breeds “romance”/

And it isn’t by chance/

It contains Fifty Shades of Gray..///

He works by a window, and there/

In the wintry Dutch sun’s fierce glare/

After hours of squinting/

At the tiniest printing/

He now sits – with an unseeing stare…

Early gag writer working on the nuances of the new “pull my finger” special

From: @Call me Ishmael

https://www.gocomics.com/profile/2288699

~

He’s an Dutchman, both root and branch/

Though there may be some “circumstanch”/

Under which ( it’s been said)/

He may wear spurs to bed/

But he’s never been near a ranch !///

He isn’t exactly a fop/

But he does keep a riding crop/

’Neath this elegant robe/

Which he uses to probe/

Young persons, upon his desk top.///

He tries to lead women astray/

By means of a shabby toupee/

Which he thinks breeds “romance”/

And it isn’t by chance/

It contains Fifty Shades of Gray..///

He works by a window, and there/

In the wintry Dutch sun’s fierce glare/

After hours of squinting/

At the tiniest printing/

He now sits – with an unseeing stare…

Call me Ishmael trying to explain to GoComics why he should not be punished with a time-out!

And light a match!

5 pounds to fix the watch, another 10, and you see what is under the robe. OH, heck, who am I kidding? The last part is free!

The earliest known depiction of the “pull my finger” joke.

.

Even then it was old.

“No – you cannot take this laptop into the lavatory with you. I know what you look at in there.”

“You’ll find your PhD thesis papers in a pile over there … you should have had a paperweight on them before I opened this window!”

You want me to curtsy then flush…

’Twas Thanksgiving Night after

and all through the home

You could hear toilets flushing

as celebrants moaned

Too much turkey and stuffing

and pumpkin pie to boot

Poor folks no longer fitin their birthday suits…

Copyright © Gershon Wolf

Portrait of the Engraver Jan Casper Philips: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"Category:Paintings by Tibout Regters" site=commons.wikimedia.org 

(syntax supported by the Google, Bing, Yahoo, DuckDuckGo, Ecosia, and Yandex search engines) in the browser address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and choose the first Category: found, and once there find the text string 2671, and click its link for info and links that point to more info about this roughly B4 paper size painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #3067 (January 24, 2023) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger if you trim what’s after .png from the URL). I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to info about this artist I used to point to here. First work by this artist used here.

“To Say What Now”:

Henry Fielding is one of those guys/

Who field “grounders” – but can’t field pop “flies”:

He’s stylishly dressed/

But (as he will attest)/

The sun always gets in his eyes.

“There are no Jedi in this sector.”

Henry Fielding is one of the guys/

To whom “one trick pony” applies/

He can’t field, he can’t hit/

And he can’t run for $#1t;/

But he sure has got beautiful eyes…

He almost never gets on base:

His uniform’s a disgrace/

But he’s still on the team:

Because they can’t seem:

To part with his lovable face..///

Size matters- that none would deny:

But it seems he’s a few inches shy

And there’s growing fatigue/

All over the League/

At the balls that he watches go by///

And it’s sad when he misses a catch/

That a bLind man would snag with dispatch:/

The coach wants to scream/

But his Dad owns the team../

And that, Sir, is “game, set, and match “!

pardon me while i pull up the shade, i don’t want anyone to see me nude, without paying you see.

rehearsing for a joint appearance in basic instructions with scott meyer…

For Wednesday:

The Bad Hair Club meets every week/

And each “do” is completely unique/

They meet to insure/

That each one’s coiffure/

Is just right, ere the world gets a peek..///

Their hairdos are plastered with goo/

For they’re ever so hard to subdue/

When the wind gets gusty/

They turn to their trusty/

Old partner- LePage’s glue !///

Here they’re gathered around the mirror/

Competing for which can get nearer/

To view this week’s “confection”/

Which (on closer inspection)/

Looks (to modern eyes) queerer and queerer.