Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie MacNelly for March 29, 2023

…..or get blown up in an explosion.

Get an injection of Elvish DNA.

Problem solved!

Own a funeral parlor.

Don’t try any new undertakings.

Stay away from bucket lists, but don’t kick the bucket itself!

Stay away from Roz’s diner.

I want the Buzzards to feast, it’s free and sanitary

Dying takes all the fun out of living.

My favorite Aunt, when my Uncle passed, negotiated like a tough business woman with the funeral sales guy and got a bargain casket. She casually said to me “He won’t know the difference.”

I’m a navy vet. I’m just thinking of have myself wrapped up in some sailcloth and dumped out at sea.

If only it was that simple.

My wife and I have both organ donor cards and have requested the bodies we leave behind go to science. Our children will not be given a large funeral bill as our last gift.

I believe immortality is even more expensive…

Just fade away. Live into your 90s and there we no one around who knew you or cared. Seen it.

Donate your body to the Body Farm in Tennessee,( that’s where I’m going) that way your body will be useful, and you will be recycled, you will become compost and your body won’t go to waste,

When I die, they can just bury me in a simple cardboard box. I won’t care – I’m dead and won’t know. You can actually get coffins made out of cardboard, but tastefully done.

My family and most friends opt for direct cremation, followed by a memorial service at a later date.

die somewhere where they’ll never find your body

Hahahahaha!!!!

Funeral homes wised up and started taking payment before you die.

Funerals used to take place in the home, but morticians couldn’t charge for that, so they created homes for funerals, i.e., funeral homes. Capitalism at work.

Get cremated, ashes in a Folgers can. Then get Walter and The Dude to scatter your ashes.

Oooooh, why didn’t we think of that!

Just die before your relatives.

Mom prepaid for her cremation. Sadly we lived in a different state so I had to pay for them to hire someone in our state to do the work. No fancy urn. I used one of my mom’s lovely boxes. Put the ashes and a few photos and a trinket or two in the box. That went into the creche her hubby was also in. A few friends came, told a short happy story and then we all went to lunch. Her estate paid for the lunch. At the same cemetery there was a larger more formal gathering, with everyone in black, limos and flowers. Everyone looked so stern. Not the way we’d want to be remembered.

Its a challenge.

Actually, it’s “die first”. You don’t really need to pay for your own funeral.

Die at sea. Instant burial, and no need for a casket, or urn for the ashes.

That’s my plan…

Get eaten by a large predator?

Or die, and leave the cost to someone else.