Close to Home by John McPherson for January 31, 2024

must be a smell-a-phone!

Someone out there is trying to tell you something dude.

It appears it’s bad enough to cheese-off ALEXA. Your breath spray should arrive in 2-3 business days.

Trouble when your dog turns away.

Are they boyfriend girlfriend? Coworkers? Neighbors? Married? Friends? I can’t take the suspense!

Take the hint, please!

Now that’s a good algorithm.

And every 3rd ad is for deodorant.

Anyone remember the old “Scope” mouthwash ads?

Need to stop eating those onion and limburger sandwiches.

In high school, my Physics teacher had REAL bad halitosis. He could never get the hint when we avoided being near. One day I went in school half hour early and left a bottle of Scope on his desk with a note “From The Green Phantom”. (You need to have seen the commercial.). He used it but not often enough.

“They always gives me bath salts,” complained Nobby. “And bath soap and bubble bath and herbal bath lumps and tons of bath stuff and I can’t think why, ‘cos it’s not as if I hardly ever has a bath. You’d think they’d take the hint, wouldn’t you?”Nobby Nobbs, Hogfather by Terry Pratchett (talking about “Christmas” gifts)

Siri knows all….

Better than ads for Plastic Surgeons.

Good smelly lines!

Those targeted ads are bogus and unfounded. For instance, I’m always getting male enhancement ads. Go figure.

The ads are going to do any good if he doesn’t get the hint and buy some breath spray.

It’s pretty bad when even you phone complains.

His breath would knock a buzzard off of a death wagon!

Bleeb! Stay behind the tree! You are shaped too much like a Tic Tac!!!!!! :)

When your breath offends algorithms it’s time to get help!

With all of the sensors in phones these days, maybe olfactory is next!

It’s notable that most of the humans senses are already in phones:

touch screens (skin)

cameras for sight (eyes)

accelerometers for motion and orientation (inner hear)

microphones for listening (outer ear)

They even have a sense that we don’t – GPS for absolute position.

AI on his phone.

She’s been dropping hints so that he’ll be dropping mints.

I heard once if someone offers you a breath mint always say yes as they might be trying to subtly tell you something.