Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie MacNelly for April 25, 2024

But she’s hot…..

More famous for licking donuts than singing.

I thought Ariana Grande was a river in South America.

You couldn’t prove it by me.

LOL!

I’ve never heard her, but I suppose she’s good.

Oh, wow, I learned something!

When It Stops Being A Coffee And Becomes An Abomination

From my many years of being a barista, I still remember my most obnoxious customer and the only drink he ever ordered.

Customer: “Venti, 152-degree, half-soy, half-lactaid Caramel Macchiato; 1½ pumps syrup, light foam, 1½ shots of espresso, with ½ a packet of ‘Sweet & Lo’ inside.”

He would bring out a thermometer to measure the drink’s temperature as soon as it was served and watch as the “Sweet & Lo” was poured to make sure it wasn’t the whole packet.

Customer: Taking a sip “This isn’t right. Remake it.”

Coworker: “Can I ask what you don’t like about it so I can try to adjust—”

Customer: “What I don’t like is that you didn’t follow my instructions exactly. Remake it.”

My poor coworkers would, of course, just follow the same instructions again and this jerk would make them remake it twice before he was happy. Every single time.

After a while, we realized a pattern where he would only do this song and dance when the female baristas served him. He always seemed to not need it remade when I or another male barista made and served the drink.

We all agreed that only the men would make his abomination of a drink from now on. We could actually see his disappointment when one of the guys brought out his drink and there was NOTHING wrong with it. He had to go find his weird misogynistic power play somewhere else.

Loon’s response: “yes, and?”

If she was a drink it would be a creamy steamy chocolate infused with creme de cacao. Leaving the patron in a dazed trance with a hint of Arquiste’s Flor y Canto, wafting in the air causing uncontrollable drooling and tongue spasms.

you could have fooled me

I’ll have one anyway.

Well, Ole Girl, get creative. Make an Ariana Grandes for Loon. Who knows. You might start a new taste sensation.

well then, how about a cafe aficionado with a whipped cream caramel drizzle?!

I’ll take one, too. Altho I don’t think my wife would like it.

Would she be (as used to be said) A cool drink of water?

Kinda kills the joke by explaining it. Ariana Grande should have been the punchline IMO.

Or IS she?

Does the drink come with a doughnut?

She could be a special coffee.

Leave it to Loon to misspell “caffeinated”.

“All right, then, get me a decapitated AlPacino.”

Maybe so…but ya gotta admit, it’d make a great name for a cuppa coffee!

It’s so hard to tell these days

And, Ariana isn’t even very “Grande”, being only 5 feet tall and built like a Pixie.

She’s more of a Tinkerbelle than a Grande.