Close to Home by John McPherson for August 24, 2024

Disappointing that the host & organizer couldn’t.

That must be it.

Putin goes to a psychic.

She tells him he will die on a Ukrainian holiday.

“Which holiday exactly?” asks Putin.

“Any day that you die will be a Ukrainian holiday.”

Thus wasting your plan to get naked in front of everyone.

I was going to go to a psychic once. I knocked on the door and she asked, “who’s there?” so I left

I knew that was gonna happen!

Does that make me psychic?

I used to think every thought I was psychic, but years later I realized they were all saying, “psychotic”.

I almost married a psychic, but she broke up with me before we met.

I used to think ‘everyone’….

Never seen a Headline: Psychic Wins Lottery!

It should work like contingency lawyers. Only pay after it works.

Which was that nobody was going to show up. Truly knowing the future has some of the same problems time travel into the past does, because we live in the future’s past.

They’ve been dabbling in the futures market.

nothing

They shoulda seen it coming.

Sooo no millions of dollars in my future?

I thought it was because the couldn’t see to go to it.

I can’t believe those psychic hotlines are becoming popular again. Oh. You mean that was the stock market’s number??? :)

For telling forfeiture.

So apparently fortune tellers can see what’s coming, but not who’s not coming.

Why do psychics need to advertise? shouldn’t they know who needs their services?

Did you hear the one about the little psychic that broke out of jail? Headline read Small Medium at Large