That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for September 13, 2024

Scratchy paper? OUCH!

It was more than a minor mishap/

when the master mislaid the map !/

for when it reappeared /

it had clearly been smeared /

with a substance resembling cr&p…

And esteemed houseguests, it is only $1000 a sheet.

Look, can you believe I did this one when I was only 6!

We save the good toilet paper for the “Buy a print” product.

/// I’m not someone who finds fault and bashes

Steve for paintings he picks; (I hate clashes).

But three of the last four

are of subjects that bore:

stocky Dutchmen with wispy mustaches.

Waldo! I’ve found Waldo…he’s right here!

Progressives are minimizing wood pulp waste. We now have fine hemp, linen, or rice toilet paper.

It’s Willem van de Velde the Younger, holding one of the earliest known CVS receipts.

“Now this is my design for an electric boat. It is the next big thing! Before you know it we all will have electric boats.”

/// Take this map which will show you a “Treasure

that can bring you a lifetime of pleasure!”

When unrolled, it’s a sketch—

several sloops and a ketch.

I sell “Sailboats, the best use of leisure.”

It says here baths must be taken More than once a year.

In days of old when you had to draw your own wallpaper border.

I was in a porta potty once and all I had was a pocket spiral notebook. True story.

Now, whoever does the best job coloring in their placemat will get 90 seconds in the closet with yours truly.

“Portrait of Willem van de Velde”

“Oh, of course: I had it upside down!”

Willem van de Velde II (1633-1707), Painter: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"Category:Scrolls in art" Wikimedia 

(syntax supported by the Google, Bing, Yahoo, and Brave search engines) in the browser address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and choose the first Category: found, and once there find the text string Helst, and click its link for info and links that point to more info (perhaps best viewed by the Google Chrome or Mozilla Firefox browsers, which can automatically translate most webpages if necessary) about this roughly jumbo envelope size painting. 

Again, a larger strip image is also shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #3374 (September 13, 2024) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger, if you trim what’s after .png from the URL). I have added a comment there pointing to info about this artist I used to point to here. So far, only work by him used here.

No I do not want to see your etchings and you definitely don’t want to see mine!

“Hey! van der Helst! I specifically ordered a drawing of my weiner to send to my girlfriend! Does THIS look like my massive weiner to you!?!”

Holding an early “Krazy Kat” strip..

Monday:

She’s reluctant to exercise power./

That’s no way to treat a flower..

Does a petal feel pain ?/

Should a woman abstain?/

She’s been standing like this for an hour….

I said I specialize in shiPs, not shi t s!